Canary Islands

Did you hear about the girl in Canada who was allergic to peanuts and her boyfriend ate a PBJ, kissed her a few hours later, and she died.

Top news today:
We have a canary named Fran, or at least we did. I loved Fran. He would sing every morning and he liked the sound of the washing machine. Well, today we put him outside on the balcony so he could get some sun. Too bad he was headless when we went to put his cage back inside. What the heck? I didn´t see him, A´s dad went and got the cage, but I just went and looked and there is blood all over the place. That´s just wrong.

I´ll miss you Fran. I hope you´re in canary heaven singing your little heart out. I´m sorry for putting you on the balcony.

Headless in Seattle.
Sara

Hair Shmare

Today could have been better.

I decided that it was haircut day. I´ve been thinking about this for a long time, so today I finally went to the salon that looked the coolest. But was I wrong. I should have known when I walked in and there was absolutely no one in the joint. I asked if people came later in the afternoon and she was like, ¨Not really.¨ I should have just turned around and walked out right there, but I stayed. For 3 torturous hours.

I wanted highlights. At home, I always get highlights with foil. In this place they used ¨the cap.¨ Let me just preface all of this by saying that I have the most sensitive head on the planet. So, two ladies placed the cap on my head and started tweezing small strands of hair through it. For five minutes I felt like killer bees were stinging my scalp, or fire ants were making there nests in my hair..you get the drift. I was in so much pain that I seriously had tears streaming down my face, but oh, that didn´t stop the tag team. Finally they finished and placed me under the fire. I was relaxed for about five minutes thinking that I had made it through the hard part...if I only knew. Then, they take me over to the sink and RIP the cap off of my head. It´s like a swim cap with zillions of holes in it....this did not feel good. I think I suffered whiplash.

So, the lady starts to wash my hair. Then the zillion treatments started. But after washing my hair she combed through it with a tiny comb RIPPING my hair out every time. It was like when I had long hair and I went on a speedboat without putting my hair in a pony tail and then I tried to comb it out, not fun. So, then she put some gel stuff on it, wrapped it up in tin foil, used a hot iron, then washed it again. Also, she washed it with cold water and the soap dripped into my ears. Miserable. Then, she RIPPED it out again and did some other treatment. She rapped my head in this stuff and then I had to go under another drier. But, before I was under the drier I had to let my hair ¨cool¨ or something for about five minutes. The lady left and I felt like I was an injured fawn left for dead. My head hurt so bad and my face was so red. I wanted to scream at the lady and say, ¨If you rip my hair out one more time I will kill you.¨ But, I didn´t. So then it was dried and washed AGAIN: Seriously...is this all necessary? I have the cleanest hair in Spain. I mean, I´m all up for changes, but they seem to be bad ones.

FINALLY it gets to the haircut part. If you know me, I hate getting my haircut. It makes me so nervous and I get all knotted up inside and I sweat a lot. So, I had taken a picture thinking OK, she´ll see the pic this can´t go wrong. WRONG. Layers are very popular here in Spain right now. She she just starts chopping away...snip. snip. snip.sniiiiiiiiiiiiip. My hair was flying all over the place like body parts during WW1.

I thought I was going to die. But what do you do in mid cut? So, the cut I survived and then the other lady came over and I had not one, but TWO women blowdrying and combing my hair. It was like I was doing the neck stretch or something, back and forth back and forth. My head was throbbing. Oh by the way, you can´t even see my highlights. I paid 75 euros for this torturous hell only to get a pair of free sunglasses and to have the exact same haircut as...

Jennifer Aniston that was popular ten years ago on Friends.

Bald as an eagle
SF

Eggs for two.

It got cold again. I was so comfortable in my bed last night with my two down comforters and two layers of pajamas. I´m like an onion, peel after peel after peel. Then I had to pee. NO! Why does God do this to me? Bladder attack right at the moment I wanted to fall asleep. I didn´t want to have to get out of bed and shiver with purple lips again. So I just laid there and stared at the ceiling hoping it would go away. But it didn´t. So, I was cold. Again.

I had to shave today. I usually wait about a week now because it´s my least favorite thing to do. I would rather pluck out all of my nose hairs one by one than shave. Of course I have razor burn, again. Considering I have the skin of a chicken when I´m trying to shave. Maybe I should switch to waxing.

It´s normal to eat eggs here for dinner. Two eggs and a side of French Fries. Can you imagine if your mom served that to you? You´d look at her with an eyebrow raised and think, ¨What has she been drinking?¨

Not one, not two, no, THREE dogs without leashes in the park tonight. It´s an epidemic.

I´m going to the States in one week from today. ...all by myself on a big cold plane. Boo hoo.

I´ll let u go, like a bad habit.
SF

oops.

I´m an official seamstress. Ok, maybe not yet, but I´ll get there. I finally learned how to sew on buttons. I´m 24 (going to be 25 December 9th) and I didn´t even know how to sew on a dang button. But, now I do, and it can only go up hill from here.

I was talking to Antonio´s dad today and I was wanting to ask him if he knew where there was some cut grass so I could put it in the bunny box. Instead of saying bunny box I said ¨cojonero¨ which basically means a guys ball sack box? His eyes got really big and then I realized...Ya, and then I laughed. WHEN will I learn Spanish?

Adios Amigos
SF

thanksgiv..Is that today?

I woke up singing a worship song and with the dog licking my face. I could have done without the dog licking my face, but hey, I´ll take any affection I can get.

I then ate cherry pop tarts. It was a special occassion. (Thanksgiving of course) I only have one pack left. AH! Then I kind of puked in my mouth and it burnt my nose. Have you ever done that before? Not pleasant.

I THEN found out that Nick and Jessica are broken up. What is the world coming to? The Newlyweds are now Newlydivorced.

I did normal things today because it was a normal ordinary day. I went to the bank and then a computer shop to pick up some memory. While waiting in line there was a lady mopping the floor. I thought shop owners were supposed to do that BEFORE the store opened. I just didn´t get it. Of course the floor was all wet and people were walking all over it. Footprints anyone? Plus, she was mopping around peoples feet and I think the mop brushed across my shoe. WHO does that? I wanted to just stomp on the mop and say, ¨STOP IT! It´s thanksgiving in the United States, go eat a turkey!¨ But of course I didn´t.

Everytime I go outside my belly itches...and it´s annoying. It´s like a pinching itch. Am I allergic to Spain?

There are a lot of American students studying here and everytime I walk by any of them it´s the same conversation (because they always talk so dang loud) and it goes something like this, ¨DUDE, wasn´t last night awesome? We got SOOOO wasted!¨ Oh how proud I feel.

I went to dinner in an Italian Restaurant tonight. No turkey, no pumpkin pie, no cranberry sauce, no home made noodles, no old family stories, no sleepy after turkey nap, just some old crunchy cheese filled ravioli.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my family and friends. I love you and miss you all.
Sweet Turkey Dreams,
Sara

trip a thon

I tripped. Twice. In the park and there was a witness both times. I was running with the dog and somehow I tripped over her. I think she stopped to look at the horses or something and I didn´t know that, she swerved in front of me and trip...that was number one. The second one was when we were on our way home and we were walking through this construction sight. The fence was covered with that green plastic sheet and it moved and scared the dog. So she takes off running unexpectedly and I tripped over a rock. I started cracking up because this guy totally saw me and he started laughing. He thought I was embarrased, but I don´t get embarrased about stuff like that, I think it´s hilarious when I trip. I wish I tripped everyday...then I could laugh, at least once on a daily basis.

Tonight in the States is the biggest bar night OF THE YEAR: and I´m not there. Obviously it will be cancelled.

Happy Hangovers!
Enjoy Turkey Eve
SF

It escaped me

Yesterday I saw a live carnivorous plant and it was the coolest thing I´ve seen in a long time. I really didn´t know they actually existed. We put our key on an open petal and it snapped right shut. Of course I saw that stupid movie a long time ago, but I didn´t think they really truly existed. I guess that´s why I was scared to put my finger there, because in the movie I remember the guy bleeding horribly. Antonio just laughed. Hey, they exist so I thought they drew blood. It´s a valid fear, right? I would have liked to have seen a fly land safely on its petals after a long flight and SNAP bye bye Mr. Fly, but no such luck. Maybe next time.

I went running in the park again with the dog. It´s fifty degrees at the end of November, how awesome is that? I don´t miss the IN winters where my face feels like it´s frozen solid and my eyes are etched out of glaciers.

I actually yelled at some guy again. Why am I so angry? He had two dogs without a leash and dog gon it (no pun intended) that just irks me beyond your wildest dreams. Who goes to the PARK with two dogs not on a leash? It just makes me mad because I have to STOP running, wait for him to come get his dogs nose out of my dogs butt, and then yell at him, and then start running again...all momentum is lost folks. But then he said sorry and I felt like a big jerk. I am a jerk. Ugh.

Today I was happily reading the newspaper and then I saw a weird picture. I looked at it more closely and it was a dead body that the police had found in the ocean, with a bloated body and a skeletal head. I guess all of the fish ate his brain. I really didn´t want to see that. Ya, papers are different here.

Today I went to visit A´s super old g ma again. She farted. And then she told me she farted. She was like (In spanish of course) ¨I farted, it escaped me. ¨Here is a lady who is 96, can´t remember her own name, and surely has no clue what the heck is going on in life, but by Golly she sure knows when she rips a good one. Yes, folks, life is worth the living. And then we changed her diaper.

Avoid farting grandmas.
Sara

Skin and Bones

Dogs eat bones. Isn´t that just weird? I mean, it´s not like I didn´t know that, but I was watching the dog eat some today and I was thinking the whole time, ¨She´s chewing, eating, and swallowing a bone.¨ A BONE people. The fact that it´s a bone is amazing in and of itself, plus they eat them so dang fast. How do you go about chewing a bone and then digesting it in ten seconds flat?

And I thought Jolly Ranchers were hard.

I guess the bones must have not agreed with her stomach because a few hours later we went for a walk and she had diarrhea the whole time. Every two minutes she would stop. And then she would keep walking, but in the squat position. Squirt, squirt, squirt. It was hilarious.

Today I found out that my girl bunny is in fact a he. That´s like finding out that Santa isn´t real, or the tooth fairy either. Crushing. No baby bunnies for me. Last time I checked two boy bunnies don´t reproduce. Although, times are changing. Maybe they´ll decide to adopt.

Chao bambino,
SF

Now that´s just hilarious..

¨But don't let the hot-buttered Texas toast drawl or good-time-lovin' rep fool you: McConaughey is fluent in Spanish, cites the dictionary as his favorite book ("I love to look up words") and calls his mom, Kay, every Sunday. He also reveals a sly sense of humor. Case in point: His bathrobe is monogrammed with 5'11 3/4", his exact height. ¨ (From People.com)

It´s hilarious because it states that he´s fluent in Spanish. Ok sweetie, I know you have been dating Penélope for a year now, but you are NOT fluent in Spanish. They are on the TV quite a bit here and let´s just say he´s not demonstrating his Spanish skills. I´ve heard him say..hmm, let´s think ¨hola¨ and ¨adios¨ Didn´t we all learn that in elementary school? If that makes him fluent then hot diggity dog I am dominating the Spanish front!

Today is Saturday and I woke up at 11:30. That has to be a sin. Then I ate poptarts.

I painted some more at the campo while listening to R.E.M. or as they say here REM...all together....just one word.

Awesome.

For the past three hours I´ve felt like I needed to throw up, and I wish I would because I know I would feel better, but I can´t, so I feel nauseous like I just stepped off of a pirates boat...treasureless.

Jealous of matthew m´s fluency in Spanish,
Sara

hasta la vista...baby.

Isn´t it awesome when you´re in the middle of an intense moment of the movie at the theatre and someones cell phone starts ringing. Then, to make it worse, they don´t even pick it up, they just let it ring like no one will notice. Ya sweetie, we noticed.

Sense of humor is so different from culture to culture. I find that if it´s a movie or something from the States I´m usually the only one that´s laughing and then if it´s a Spanish movie, I´m the only one NOT laughing. Tonight there is this show on TV where there are 3 parents and then their kids sitting in these chairs. Anyways, the host asks questions like ¨What is your daughters favorite class subject¨ (the kids are like six yrs. old) so, then the parents have to write their answers on a chalkboard and if their answers don´t match their kids the kids go over and throw a pie in their face. Everyone is laughing out of control like pee could come squirting out of their bladders at any given moment and I just sit here, in silence, like my dog just died or something. I just don´t get it!!!!!! The funny bone is not being tickled. Why is that? But then when I´m watching dumb and dumber and they swat at each other with their canes in their blue and orange attire I can´t handle it and I burst out laughing, while they just don´t get it. I wonder if I´ll ever get it? Prob not.

Yes, this kid just said hasta la vista on TV. amazing.

Today at Starbucks I ordered a Mocha and she held up one finger and said, ¨one?¨ I wanted to say, ¨No, fifty one.¨

Peace in the middle East.
SF

Weird o

So, I´ve been keeping up with the changing of the leaves in Indiana by the website enjoyindiana.com. The last time I checked it nothing was really happening yet on the leaf front, pretty standard really. I guess the span of time in which I checked it last time and this time was too long because I checked it today and all of the leaves are gone, barren, dead, empty, sad, and naked. DANG IT! I missed it! I´ll just have to get out the easel and canvas tonight and paint my own masterpiece. That´s funny if you know me because I can´t even really draw a stick person correctly.

Today I was walking in the street realizing I´ve been rather hard on Spain lately in my blog and I wanted to apologize to Spain. ¨I´m sorry Spain.¨ There, I feel better. It really is a wonderful, beautiful, and exotic country. It´s just more fun to bash it. And I mean that in the nicest way possible.

Weird-o. It´s just fun to say. Say it three times in a row. Weird-o Weird-o Weird-o. Today I was in the park commenting to myself that there are lots of weird-os that hibernate there. Ya, that´s right, I talk to myself, a lot. I have complete and entire conversations with ME. Today I was talking out loud, to myself, and this is how the conversation went. Before that, let me set up the situation. I was with the dog and this little girl was with her mom and she was absolutely terrified of the dog, even though I was no where near this girl. Ok, so the conversation was like, ¨How can this girl be scared of the dog? Why are children scared of dogs? Did their parents torment them with pitbulls when they wouldn´t eat their dinner or do something to them that they have this fear? I used to love dogs when I was little. My dogs a boxer. She wouldn´t even hurt a fly. Oh wait, that´s right, she´d eat it.¨

Yes folks, this was my conversation out loud to myself. Ok, who is the weird-o now? But, it´s true. Our dog eats flies and it could be the funniest thing I´ve ever seen in my life. The dog buzzes around her head a few times and all the while she chomps at it. Then, it lands on her nose and with her gigantuous tongue sweeping over her face she licks it and gulps it down. In one gulp, gone, vanished...forever. Fly stew baby!

Straight from the mouth of the weird-o
SaRA

Crash Test Dummies

We got cable today. This is the happiest day of my entire life. MTV is back ...need I say more? I´m happier than a bald man in a toupet shop.

My pop tart pile is dwindling down. Thank goodness I´m heading back to the States for X mas, otherwise I wouldn´t survive. It´s my drug, my happiness, my life.

Did I tell you I´m obsessed with Cherry Coke and Dr. Pepper too? And it´s non existent here. Just like Bin Ladin. Well, the other day I was eating dinner at my friends house and her husband whips out a bottle of Dr. Pepper, literally from thin air. Are you SERIOUS??????????? WHERE did that come from? I was just starting at the bottle in complete shock and I´m pretty sure my eyes were bulging out of my head more than normal. I explained to my friends that I´ve been on an exclusive Dr. Pepper search for the past eight months and I had yet to find it. Her husband bought it in Gibraltar, which is a different country, but it´s basically a big rock with monkeys on it. Hey, if they have Dr. Pepper there I might be making a move soon!

Isn´t it funny watching people run when they don´t think anyone is watching them? For example, big elf alien man running with a too small back pack trying to catch the bus. He looked like he was doing the robot while running, now THAT is hard to do.

Here´s a funny story that happened before I started blogging and I remembered it today. So, this guy friend of ours got a new ¨motorcycle.¨ (more like scooter) Well, I was in the car with my friend and his wife and we´ll say ¨Ron¨ was on his brand new scooter in front of us. He had been talking about the scooter all day long, about how awesome it was, about how cool he looked on it, etc. Well, we were all leaving church and my husbands friend said, ¨How funny would it be if Ron fell off the scooter right now?¨ Not even two seconds later ¨Ron¨ totally skidded on the street, laid flat out ...like words on the table. We were in shock. It was like it didn´t happen, that couldn´t have happened. -We just stared at each other, and then finally got out of the car to see if he was ok. Of course he was OK, but MAN how awkward did my friend feel for saying that? oops. We had just left church for Gosh sakes. And then we laughed.

Going to Hell in a Handbasket.
Sara

Java Java. I just like saying Java.

I´m sorry, but I just think it´s hilarious when people trip. I can´t help it. There´s something inside of me that just triggers whenever I see it. This burning laughter starts within like I downed a shot of whiskey, and then I start to chuckle, and then it turns into a full out laugh. I remember one time in the movies it was so silent and the characters were running through the woods and one of them tripped. I was the only one laughing, but I couldn´t help it! Today the victim was a total dork. We were standing at the crosswalk and he was about 50 years old with glasses and a backpack. I def. think he was just visiting Seville. So, we cross the street and as he is stepping up on the curb he just tripped. He didn´t fall, just kind of stumbled onto the sidewalk. He stumbled so much that other people obviously noticed. I kept walking straight and I couldn´t help but laugh. It´s a sickness I think. I know, I know, I´m a horrible person. But, does it make it better that I laugh at myself when I trip? I´m the kind of person that trips over my own two feet. Who does that? Oh, I do. Classic.

I went to my friends house today from basically twelve to seven and cleaned her house. I SCRUBBED her two toilets. That´s what a good friend I am. In case you ever doubted! :O)

While I was waiting for her to come to the door I had seen this weird o guy and I heard this pshhhhhhhhhhh noise. I thought he was dumping out a bottle or something. I heard it twice and just as I was walking through the door I heard it again so I looked back and he was totally puking onto someones front stoop. AMAZING: I couldn´t help but stare. I was STARING at this guy in complete amazement as he hurled out all of his entire organs at 12:30 in the afternoon on a Tuesday. Lay off on the cerveza there buddy.

The ¨fight for space¨ on the sidewalk game happened way too many times today. Don´t you just HATE that? Someone will be walking towards me and then we both go left to get out of each others way, then we both go right, then left again. It´s like we´re dancing the idiot dance in the middle of town. Ok people, if I wanted a dance partner I would get my own. Also, it´s like some people don´t move over. I was crossing the street blatantly veering towards the left and this other lady just kept going left. Get out of my way! Is it that hard to just move over a little bit? Also, ANOTHER scenario is when there are two people in front of me hogging the sidewalk walking slower than an ancient turtle. There is nothing one can do, trapped, in the slow lane. Ah, living in the city, you gotta love it.

There is something about walking through the crisp air with a hot cup of java in your hands. Starbucks that is.

Ah, I almost forgot. Ok, so as I am walking home I was totally in my own little world. This random guy came up to me and said, ¨tengo una pregunta¨ which means I have a question. He said it in a German accent and the thing is, I never even saw his face, I just kept walking. WHO does that?! What a B! But the thing is, I didn´t even realize he was talking to me until like two minutes later because I was so spaced out and then I was like, Oh my gosh, that guy was talking to me. But how is it that I didn´t even see his face? THAT is how zoned out I was. Poor guy.

Long Live Starbucks,
SF

Do the humpty hump

Highlight of the day:

I was busting a move in the middle of my room to Ushers song ¨Caught Up.¨ Imagine me flaling my arms around like an injured animal and twirling around....that´s me dancing, then imagine the dog pushing the door open with her nose and jumping up on my leg, hugging it with her front two legs. Ok, you got that image? Now imagine her just humping away.

Oh, but I didn´t let that stop me, the rhythm must go on. She might have gotten ¨caught up¨ in the moment, but the dancing survived the violation.

She´s asleep on the floor right now in front of the heater quietly ¨yelping¨ in her dream. What the heck do dogs dream about anyways? Well, we all know what she´s dreaming about tonight.

Avoid humping dogs,
Sara

Through life and death

Why are there no trash cans in the bathrooms in Europe in general? Do people not have to throw things away while they are in the bathroom like a q-tip, cotton balls, hairs, old razors, toe nails and not to mention we girls have other things too. I find it very odd. What do they do with all of the ¨bathroom¨ trash?? Still pondering this question.

Have you ever been miserable during the night because you were too dang lazy to put your blanket back on top of you and or go to the bathroom? ? Or is that just me? It´s so dang cold here right now that I never want to move or do anything, I just want to hide in my bed with my three down comforters and not come out until March. The last thing I want to do is shower and get wet, and have wet hair that could possibly break off, like an icicle. I don´t WANT to change my clothes, because that means I will have to be naked for a few seconds and that´s just sacrificing too much body heat. I especially love it when I´m already facing the freezing point in the shower and then the gas runs out and cold water from an Alaskan glacier comes squirting out of the shower head. Now that´s amazing.

Now that I´m a ¨farmer¨ I have to deal with death too, which is sad. I mean, I´m not really a farmer per say but what do you call someone that currently has 13 baby chickens living in a shoe box in the kitchen thinking their mother is an old living room light bulb? Oh, psycho ,that´s right.

Anyways, I´m an idiot and left the door open at the campo where the pigeons live. That´s right, we have pigeons folks, they are pretty white ones though. So ya, I left the door open and three of them went away. Possibly never to return. Here comes the sad part. One of the pigeons that is never to return had babies a few days ago. So, I was like, aww, I´m going to go check on the baby pigeons. Ya, they´re dead...as a doornail. Nice mom, she left them and they die!! Can you say child abuse? What a B. Nice mom. She saw the open door and was like YES I´m out!! Maybe I did her babies a favor...but I hard that find to believe because they are DEAD and I´m the killer. Man, I feel awful. I took the lives of two baby pigeons. Also, another bird died and Antonios dad was just going to toss it on a pile and I almost choked. We had to have a proper funeral for it. (Which consisted of digging a small hole, throwing it in , and filling the hole up with dirt).

Trying to survive the guilt of killing two pigeons,
SF

ah, the dentist.

I tried to make the dentist fun today, I really did. A for effort. I was like OK, think positive. So I thought, Cool, I´ll try to relax for the next thirty minutes with my eyes closed so I don´t have to stare at my reflection in her goofy Dentist goggles. And then she jammed the needle in my gums and all hell broke loose. It´s humanly impossible to enjoy going to the dentist, everything about it is horrible. And it´s not even that getting a cavity hurts, that´s what´s so crazy about it, it´s just plain annoying. I had forgotten how long they leave the needle directly IN the gums, twirling it around like a baton. I seriously think it was in there for at least five minutes. And the injector thing is HUGE. What do they use a ten inch needle for goodness sakes? Then, she jams these two ¨shelf like objects¨ in between my gums so as to seperate the ¨bad tooth¨ Good Lord, I thought she broke my tooth off. Once the shot is over I always think it´s easy sailing from there, but today they were throwing me for some big loops. Then the WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE starts and I can smell my tooth burning. Remember I¨m trying to be positive so I´m thinking, YA, get all that bad stuff out of there¨ and then my jaw got so tired from holding it open it started quivering. That´s never happened before. Also, the little assistant lady was pressing the sucky straw thing into my gums on the OTHER side of my mouth. So, on one side I have cavity tooth being drilled out and on the other side I have a hicky being given to me by straw lady on the inside of my mouth. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD stop with the straw! So, before we started the dentist actually told me to ¨raise my hand¨ if I experienced any discomfort. How hilarious is that? Excuse me Ms. Dentist, can you stop drilling my tooth please? I¨m pretty sure no one ever does that, but I did! I actually raised my hand and was like ¨Can you move the sucky straw thing to the other side, because it´s sucking my gums, but it´s also making me laugh.¨ Classic. So, she moved it over. Thank God. At least move it to the side I can´t feel! That´s rational thinking, right? So, finally, it was over. She gave me a drink afterwards and it all dribbled down my shirt. For some reason I felt completely humiliated like HEY give me my lip back lady. When I smiled it looked like I had suffered a stroke. Only the right side went up. I could even flare the right nostril and not the left. HOW COOL is that? You know you´re jealous. So, now my mouth is cavity free. Don´t be jealous of my fillings, there are plenty of those to go around.

Afterwards we went to the store and I came across Guiness Book of World Records 2006. Simply amazing. All I have to say is thank goodness it´s not cool in this culture to ¨stretch¨ the ear lobes.

I walked into the center today and I basically saw two parents beating their child. Never a good thing. I heard this kid screaming, he was about 8 years old. He and his parents were crossing the crosswalk and I was going one way and they were going another. But, as I turned around the dad RIPPED this water bottle out of his sons hands and just kind of started slapping him around like a rag doll. How sad, at least do that in private! Bwah!

Did you know that commercials here are seriously ten minutes long. I can get a shower, make dinner, do the laundry, hang up the laundry to dry, iron the laundry, fold the laundry, feed the dog, walk the dog, wash the dog, cut my toenails, pluck my eyebrows, sweep the floor, dust my room, clean the toilet, clean the birdcage, and then MAYBE the show will be back on. They are the longest lasting shows-commercials EVER. A show that starts at ten gets over at one thirty in the MORNING...this is NO JOKE. Simply amazing.

Able to complete a year in the aging process during one commerical,
Sara

It´s bath time.

Now I know why women have hairy legs in Europe...or so the legend goes. It´s so stinkin´ cold in the winter the last thing I want to do in the shower is shave my legs with goose pimples and then have blood squirting out in every direction. There is no central air or heat here, so when it gets down to thirty degrees or twenty in the evening, it´s pretty dang cold. There are little space heaters that we use every once in a while but it´s absolutely a terrible sin if you leave them on at night because that could cause a ¨fire¨ and we could all die. Also, the shower has basically no pressure, so taking a shower when it´s cold out is pretty much a miserable experience. It doesn´t help that there is a window right by the shower and the cold air blows in. Ok, so, that´s my shower experience tonight...and every night hereafter.

There are NO cops on the road here. On the highway I mean. You could go 120 miles an hour and no one cares! People do go that fast actually, and nothing happens to them, besides they die and kill other people. Did you know that every weekend in Spain at least 40 some people die due to car accidents? That´s a lot.

The other day I saw two lesbians holding hands in the mall. One was feminine the other was probably named Butch. So, the feminine one entered the Body Shop to buy some pretty lotion while Butch leaned on the rail and smoked a cigarette. ¨She¨ had super short hair, a baggy sweater, man jeans, and man boots on. So you know I almost wet my pants when a little boy about four years old walked up to ¨her¨ and said, ¨Miss, do you have the time?¨ Classic.

SF

mini zoo- bonsai

So, I´ve been trying to get a Visa and it´s tough work. Luckily Antonio´s mom knows a gal who works at the place I have to go to get the papers etc. Good thing, because the people go at five am to start waiting in the zillion hour line. So, we went and whistled at her through the window (in a professional like manner of course) to come. The window had a board holding up the blinds. Nice, it´s 2005, you think they could get that fixed? So, she came and we talked and after I was talking to her in Spanish she asked me if I knew and understood Spanish. I suck. After our conversation she told me nothing new that I didn´t already know and what she did tell me didn´t make any sense. I´m pretty much never getting a VISA.

We went to look at plants. Do you know that bonsai trees cost anywhere from 12 to 600 euros?? Wow. Also, there were trees that were in the shape of dolphins and other exotic animals that were almost 2000 euros. Can you imagine paying that much for a tree? How funny is it that at the greenery place it was also randomly a mini zoo. There was some weird animal I´d never seen, plus some pigs, goats, bunnies, and two monkeys. Who knew? I don´t think they were for sale, although that would have been nice if you purchase anything over 1000 euros if they´d throw in a monkey or two.

I went to visit Antonio´s grandma again today who´s 96. She told me she couldn´t find her donkey. She must have misplaced it somewhere. She also told me that she knew my parents and that she hoped to see them soon. Also, that she liked to dance but now she couldn´t because she has a cold. She can´t move from the chair, let alone dance, but it would have been a sight to see. I danced for her and she started laughing. Not just a chuckle but a full fledged laugh. That totally made my day, oh and when she kissed my cheek goodbye she barely gummed it off.

sf

Holy Monkeys it´s FREEZING

It´s 59 degrees here and ¨freezing¨ according to the natives. People are walking around with huge eskimo looking coats, gloves and scarves. While I have on a short mini and a tube top....NO not really, but COME ON! Are gloves really necessary when it´s 60 degrees?! I suppose we all adapt to temps according to where we were brought up. 0 degrees, now that´s cold. A few years ago I went to Alaska and it was -40 and that was normal for them. I thought I was going to die every time I walked outside, it literally took my breath away. So ya, sixty and freezing, interesting.

I saw a mini mullet today. This kid was only six years old. I think his parents are just setting him up for failure. Poor guy. He looked happy though...if he only knew.

So, another super market adventure today. By the way, all of the Christmas stuff is out and I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. Did you know that Christmas is my favorite holiday in the whole entire history of the Universe? Rudolph was so heroic, wasn´t he? So, of course I had to buy some holiday chocolate in early November, because heck why not? Christmas only comes around once a year and I have to start celebrating it early. So, keep in mind we only want to buy two bars of chocolate. All of the check out lines have people buying groceries for the next two years. We finally get in this line where this guy had every last inch of his cart packed with food. I don´t even think a fart would have had room to maneuver in there. So, this guy looks at us, and then just starts unpacking his stuff onto the conveyer belt thing. Don´t you think he could have just offered to let us go ? Don´t you think they could have ¨fast lanes¨ for customers that have TWO stinkin´ items?! I love you Spain.

Isn´t it interesting that the people that you see almost getting into wrecks are usually ALWAYS on their dang cell phone. So, tonight I was walking to the park and I was waiting at the cross walk. The light turned red for the traffic and the green guy lit up for me. So, I start walking and this guy just tries to zoom by and the light is totally red for him. Of course other traffic was going so they honk and he slams on his breaks. What an idiot. He had some sort of BMW super fancy car and was talking on his fancy cell phone. Does he think stop light rules don´t apply to him? Is that what´s going through his small peon sized brain? So, as he slams on the breaks as oncoming traffic is coming he just does the ¨wave.¨ The wave like all of the rest of the world is wrong and he had all of the rights to zoom through the red light. Apparently the world revolves around a Spanish man with a BMW and a cheap cell phone. Were you aware of that? That´s funny, I wasn´t either.

On the way BACK from the park ANOTHER guy just zooms through red all of the while honking like an injured goose. I guess this was to inform people ¨ready or not here I come.¨ I just don´t understand the way these people drive because getting your license here is tough. You have to pay like 650 euros then take written tests plus zillions of driving hours then a big driving test. I´m stumped.

Gay people here are called ¨gays¨ just like at home. It´s funny that Antonio´s dad calls them ¨guys.¨

Another baby chic was born yesterday. 5 points for the man made incubator!

Peace
SF

The Mullet Gang

I saw six mullets today...walking......on the same street......in the same gang........this is too many mullets for one day.

Isn´t it weird to think that we eat eggs....that come out of chickens holes and chickens eat gross things like rabbit poop.

These are the things I think about on a daily basis, how about you?

Crest doesn´t work

I went to the dentist today, in Spain, weird. I was kind of nervous about it because I had no idea what it would be like, apart from some small differences, it´s kind of the same. I have a cavity so that stinks. I have to get it filled in a week. I´ll let you know how that goes. I had to get X rays of my mouth and it kind of worried me when they didn´t put that huge straight jacket looking thing over me to protect my internal organs from the harmful rays. I could feel my insides frying ...not really, but if I get cancer in a few weeks we´ll all know why.

My cell phone isn´t working AGAIN! That´s funny that I just took it in to be fixed last week. Hmm..that tells me they probably didn´t even look at it and then just told me it was fixed. Did they think I wouldn´t notice that the number one NEVER stops pulsating!

People stand too close to me in line. It´s like, they are holding my hand or something, just STAND BACK is what I feel like screaming really loudly in the store......but I don´t.

Remember how I was talking about double parking yesterday? Well, our car was parked in today, so we just got in it and honked. Honk. Honk. Honk. It worked...five minutes later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I´m tired.

XO
SF

BAT man

Have you ever sat on a wet toilet seat at three thirty in the morning? I suggest you avoid it at all costs, not fun. I felt that just my butt was being dumped into the Atlantic. The cold, wet Atlantic.

Speaking of toilets, did you know that there is NEVER any toilet paper in public restrooms here? I think they put one roll out for the entire day..of course that lasts about five minutes. I usually use a leaf, a cockroach, or any other object nearby for wiping purposes.

Double parking is simply amazing here in the city. There will be a line of cars along the curb and then ANOTHER line of cars totally blocking those people in. It´s amazing to me. I am always so baffled as to how the other cars get out. Apparently if you want out you just get in your car and honk for about five minutes until the person that is parking you in comes out to move their car. Apparently they´ve never heard of walking, or buses, or taxis.

This morning I almost captured the most hilarious picture in the world on film, almost. You see, the dog mounted Antonio´s leg out of the blue and just starting humping away. It´s a girl dog by the way so we´re pretty convinced she´s a lesbian. Anyways, I just happened to have my digital camera right there in the closet, I reached in, turned it on, and the battery was dead! Kodak moment, vanished in the wind, forever.

Today I took the dog to the park with me again and that´s always an adventure in and of itself. On the way there I saw a dead bat etched into the sidewalk. It looked like it had jumped off the top of the building and forgot how to use its wings. Ewww.

Little toddlers are SUPER dressed up here. In the park these kids are wearing their Sunday bests, not even that I´m going to say EASTER Sunday bests, with the hats and the gloves. OK, maybe not that decked out but you get my point. Last time I checked you don´t put toddlers in tights and dresses to go play in the sandbox and swings. I´m just gonna put my baby in a diaper and say, ¨Have at it kid.¨ Then they would lock me away..forever.

People whistle here and pucker their lips and suck in to make that sound that it makes whenever they see a dog. Always. It drives me crazy because a dog can just be all chilling and casual and then someone comes by and whistles and it gets them all riled up like they just ate a spoon full of sugar or something. So, I´m trying to run with the dog. There is this guy behind me who keeps making that sound with his lips so of course the dog keeps wanting to turn around to look at the man who is making the fish lips and weird noises. So, I´m basically trying to run one way and the dog another. The man was whistling like this for about 2 minutes. For the love of God stop with the whistling already, can´t you see it´s making my running experience a living hell?! So, I finally turned around and yelled STOP IT. I had already tried the death look and that wasn´t working. He finally stopped. Thank you Lord! But seriously, would you have kept whistling? Ok, don´t answer that.

Then, on the way home this drunken angry man started screaming at me about my dog and not being clean. Hey man, I take showers on occassion. He has no basis for these insults. I was kind of scared so I started to run. I think I heard him laughing. So much for a protective dog, when I needed to run to make the get away you know what the dog did? She peed.

I´m off, like the clapper at night,
SF

Please, save the last bite for me.

It´s November and I´m walking around in jeans and a T shirt. Now THIS is weather I can get used to! I might die when I come home to IN for X mas and have all of my bare skin covered with just my eyes showing like an Alaskan Eskimo.

Nothing too terribly exciting happened today although last night my favorite soccer player was injured. He´s out for four months. BUMMER. He kind of did this hoppy thing and tore lots of ligaments in his knee along with broken bones. Good times.

The bank continues to crack me up here. Instead of writing someone a check they give you their account number, which is a zillion numbers long, then you go into the bank where there is one line for the entire city, give the woman the account number thats a zillion numbers and she asks your name. I miss you checks.

Then we went to the Moroccan store, we´re pretty much daily visitors. Here they sell anything from mouse traps to shower curtains to fingernail polish to mops. All CHEAP. It´s kind of embarrasing really because I´m pretty sure the guy knows us by name. I like how he talks though, it´s like the Godfather, but with a really high pitch like he just got kneed in the balls. (As I type this there is a fly buzzing around my head and I want to jump off of a bridge with an anchor strapped to my ankle).

Today we went to the park and there is a ¨festival of nations¨ going on. There are tents from various countries where they sell earrings, clothes, trinkets, etc .Ya, I´m pretty sure the earrings that I saw from ¨Russia¨ that were 25 euros weren´t from Russia. Why? I saw the same exact pair being sold on the street corner by a midget for 2 euros.

I´m not sure how I feel about the invasion of American restaurants here. I must admit I am SO glad Starbucks is here, but otherwise it´s kind of getting out of control. I have to laugh when I walk down the street and I see Kentucky Fried Chicken. Here in Spain there is McDonalds, Burger King, Pizza Hut, KFC, Dunkin Donuts (in Madrid) and now....drum roll please. ...you´ll never guess. Do you have an idea yet ? Go on, keep guessing. Ok, Ok. I´ll tell you. Are you ready? HOOTERS. I know, I know, I should apply!

I bought a book today in Spanish. Wish me luck.

It kind of bothers me that the dog sits right by my side at every meal, looking at me with that look like if I don´t feed her she might die of starvation. Her eyebrows even move like Charlie Chaplins, staring at me, watching me put every single bite into my mouth. It drives me insane that I always end up giving her the last bite. The bite that I long for and look forward to during every meal. The last bite, the bite of satisfaction like YES I conquered this meal. But, I can´t help it and I give in, throwing her the last bite instead of savoring it, she devours it like a shark devours it´s prey. Gone, in two seconds flat. Tonight I didn´t mind giving her the last bite, it was a fish head.

I´m out, like my pumpkins candle.
sF

STOP

I´ve become so domesticated, although I do have a T shirt that says ¨domestically disabled.¨ I admit, I´m not a cooker, but I am a baker. Besides, I´d take chocolate chip cookies over meatloaf anyday. The dough alone can be dinner... at least for 3 nights. I do laundry, I iron, I clean the house, I clean all of the animal cages. By the way, our canary Fran started to sing last week. It´s been two straight months of chirping...thank goodness he´s found his singing voice, it´s much prettier. So anyways ya, I just thought I´d let all of you know that I´m very capable of doing a load of laundry WHILE mopping the floor. Impressive, I know.

Usually when you haven´t seen someone for awhile you´re like, ¨Hey, it´s good to see you.¨ Not here. They´re like, ¨Hey haven´t seen you in awhile, you got fat.¨ It´s true folks, they talk about weight like they talk about the weather and it drives me insane. Ok, I mean if you want to tell me I look skinnier, I´ll accept the compliment, but fatter....just keep that one to yourself, or talk about me when I´m not around.

I picked olives today, it was liberating. They look like grapes. I´ve never picked olives in my life. I love doing things that I´ve never done before, it´s exciting and I must admit I´m becoming kind of a nature buff. With the sky and the ¨Simpsons¨ clouds but I could do without the flies though. They buzz in my ear and fly up my nose. It´s just about as comfortable as going to the gyno. I´d rather die than have a fly up my nose or in my ear. Just kill me now. Anyways, so as I´m picking olives this stray dog came over and it was so sad I almost cried. It was like a greyhound and the poor fellow was so skinny his little ribs were sticking out. Who just dumps their dogs? I don´t like you mean people, go suck on a lemon.

I went running in the park again today. I bought this slick Nike running shirt. It´s kinda tight. So, I got stared at a lot because I´m tall and white, I had a tight shirt on, and I was wearing work out clothes. This equation equals staring. I´m not sure Spanish women ever work out. Maybe they were just born with the skinny gene ? I´ve never seen them running in the park anyways. All of the people running are americans, it´s obvious. I hate that stare though, you know the full body scan, UP; DOWN, then back up again. UGH. Talk about uncomfortable. They try to be sly about it too. Nice try.

Also, crossing the street. At the crosswalks they are supposed to stop because there are little zebra stripes on the road. So, I´m halfway across the street and then a car buzzes by and they give me ¨the wave.¨ What the heck does this wave mean ? 1)Sorry I have no patience and I almost ran over you 2)Please forgive me for almost killing you 3)I´m an idiot please excuse me 4)I was born with bad hair and bad eyesight sorry.

I don´t know....but stop with the wave already! And stop at the dang crosswalks!

Trying to avoid being run over,
Sara