Adult Truths.

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?Please?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection... again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from
3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

pix

Heat Wave

It´s been SO ridiculously hot for June. It´s been over 100 for the past gazillion years. I can´t wait for July...ugh!

Anywho, whenever we can we try to head to the beach to cool off.´I can´t even get over the temperature difference from the city to the beach. It´s incredible! I was actually kind of chilly at times.

This was N´s second time to the beach, but really the first time being in her bathing suite and in the water since we went in the spring before.

She was a hoot. She absolutely loved it. I put her on the shore and she laughed hysterically each time a wave came up by her. She rolled around in the sand like a little piggy and ran around like there was no tomorrow. I love this kid and her love of life. It´s amazing to see the world through her eyes and I pray that God gives me that pure JOY that she has and she gives me on a daily basis.

baptism

We´ve been busy lately. Saturday we had a baptism and we were gone from noon to seven. Luckily my in laws watched Nora because I think she might have been a bit bored sitting around all day.

We are terrible parents and have yet to baptize our daughter. It´s a long and grueling story why we have not....(it basically has to do with finding the time to have all of the people we want in it to take a course etc.) but hopefully we´ll have her dedicated this summer while we´re home. Anywho, here are some pix. xo
(I stole the pix from my friend Anna. Thanks Anna!)

Old School

This is still one of the funniest things I´ve ever seen...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24a0nDKEu1I

weaning

will be the death of me.......or at least my boobs.

on another note....holy baby boomb batman. everyone is having THREE these days. i don´t think that´s gonna happen in this household!

Pigeons

Holy pigeon fiasco. At the park there is an area where you can feed them and I guess they were SUPER hungry on Sunday.

Nora is not afraid of anything! This girl amazes me (she also hasn´t tasted a thing that she doesn´t like yet). I was afraid at one point that she would try to bite into the pigeon.....

turbo power!

I haven´t been able to do my body combat since I fell and hurt my knee in Nov and rode in that ambulance w my hairy legs. Remember that??

Well, today was my first time back and it felt GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!! I kicked the airs ASS!

ugh

Weaning sucks balls. I don´t have balls, but I´m imagining the pain I´m feeling to be the equivalent of getting kicked in the balls several times over and it hurting all day every day for a week or two.

Garage Sales

What are those? We don´t even have garages here...

When I was in the States last week I went to a garage sale. A garage sale! I haven´t been to a garage sale since the 80´s when we used to live in a neighborhood and had our own. Let me just say it again GARAGE SALE!!!

I feel like in the States they are always in May or June so we miss them considering we come home in August.

When I was around six I remember helping my mom write the prices on the little orange circles and she even let me ¨work¨the sale. Glorious!

They are just so magical...especially when you have kids.

One more thing I miss about the USA...

16 months.

My sweet baby girl Nora,

Well, I don't know if I should say baby, you are practically a woman now! Your weight is finally tapering off, which I think is a good thing otherwise we might have to send you off to Japan and enroll you in some sort of Sumo wrestling camp for toddlers..(around 29 to 30 lbs). You recently had your fifteen month shots and you were the youngest/biggest one there. You can crush any other kid at the park like a bug if it came down to that....ha! Yes, we know you are big. And moving on...

This past month I was away from you for ten days because I had to make a quick trip to America and I can't even believe how much bigger you seemed when I got back. I can't imagine what my friends and family are going to think of you after not seeing you for an entire YEAR. Just ten days and I was amazed. You are speaking more words and are much more expressive about the things you want (and don't want). Your newest thing is blowing kisses to the cross every time we pass a church. Love that.

You still eat anything and everything in sight, are sleeping 11 hours at night and take two one hour naps during the day. You love music, animals and other kids. Still miss Social Butterfly.

Before I left you only wanted to be with me. When I came out of the doors at the airport you were not so sure about me. I picked you up but you instantly reached for Daddy (Ouch). Ya, that lasted about five minutes. Now you ONLY want to be in my arms twenty four seven. This is a problem considering its 2000 degrees and you weigh a zillion lbs. However...I secrelty love that you only want to be with me...hehe. I have to cherish these moments because I know you will soon be giving me " the hand."

I weaned you this month. Bye bye boobies! It's been a good run and I enjoyed it while it lasted. You still like to cuddle with me before bed which is amazing.

You LOVE books and are constantly going into your room and getting them off the shelf.

You run around the house like a crazy lady and I love hearing your little feet patter on the wood floor. Such a happy happy girl.

You dive head first into the little pebbles at the playground and you think it's hilarious. We have to go there at night right before bathtime because you are covered with lots of dirt afterwards.

You like to watch cartoons

and Dolly and Dora are still your favorite partners in crime.

You climb on and off chairs, beds, and sofas like it ain't no thang. You're a pro for sure!

You love to wear lots of bracelets and many girly things (pretties in your hair). You still only have eight teeth but I can see two more popping through!!

I am so blessed to have you as my own. Happy 16 mths monkey.

Love you always,
Mama

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suck THIS

I swear to God every time we go into any store the owner gives my daughter a sucker.

She´s fifteen months old.

She doesn´t even have more than eight teeth and they are wanting her to have sugar rot already.

Hello. Is anyone concerned about choking here? Sugar high? Bad nutrition?

Sevillanos..please STOP giving my daughter suckers because I´m the A HOLE that has to take them away from her.

I wouldn´t be in this predicament if you didn´t give them to her!

Bah humbug.

Germs.

I don´t mind them. I´m not one of those moms that sits my daughter on the top of a blanket at the playground so she doesn´t get dirty (Yes, I´ve seen it here).

The ONE thing that freaks me out is when strangers touch Nora´s hair, arms, and hands. They like fondle her hands (which she has in her mouth all of the time) which TOTALLY creeps me out because I have no idea where these people´s hands have been. On a penis? (Yes, this is the first thing that came to mind. Interesting...)Touching a dogs butt? Up their own butt? Gross town USA.

So, there is a gypsy that plays his accordian outside of this shopping mall that we pretty much walk by every day. He thinks N is his best friend and fondles her arms and hands like no other. I could say touch her hand but fondle is so much more fun. It takes all I have within me not to WHIP OUT the handy wipe right then and there...I mean, come on..STOP THE FONDLING!

You know I whip out the handy wipe as soon as we are out of his view. Afterall, who knows where THOSE hands have been...

(I´m seeing a donkey in my minds eye).

hmm?

I am not sure if Spaniards really know how to deal with death or what to say. No one REALLY knows what to say but here are a few examples;

I´m so sorry for you loss.
Sorry to hear about your grandma.
Thinking of you and your family...

I mean, it´s not rocket science folks.

This is what I´m hearing here (Translation)
¨And your grandma?¨

And this is from people who know the situtation. Isn´t that just the weirdest thing to say? The first time I heard it I was just so taken abback I didn´t know what to say...¨Um, she´s dead in a coffin buried in the ground?¨ I said...¨I went to her funeral.¨ Because I didn´t know what else to say!!!

Is it just me or is that just the dumbest freaking stupidest thing to say?

Swinging Away...

SO BIG!

25 mths

Of my body not being ¨my own¨ 9 mths of pregnancy and 16 mths of breastfeeding=25 mths of no alcohol, no caffeine, no libido, no life. HA! Ok, it wasn´t that bad and I really enjoyed it a lot...it´s weird and sad that this era has come to an end...however, I really did not want Nora to be ¨asking¨ for the boob. That´s where I draw the line. She was already starting to pull my shirt up and ¨honk¨ my boobs in public. (awkward!)

Before pregnancy and Nora I was a 34 B. I got measured at Victoria´s Secret the other day...Drum Roll Please...34DD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy huge boobs.

My fear is having two wet socks dangling down with golf balls at the end.

Boob job some day? Yes please.

Ah, the joys of motherhood.

I would also like to mention that I HATE my belly button.

However, I could have lost all my hair, gained seventy five lbs, lost all my teeth, etc. and it would have been worth it for my Nora Lindsay. Every time I hear her laugh and see her dimply smile I see a little piece of heaven and know it´s all gonna be Okay (until she´s a teenager and then I might change my mind).

On Flying...

Things I would rather do:

Pluck out all of my nose hairs one by one.
Cover myself in honey and walk into a beehive.
Have someone give me titty twisters repeatedly.
Get poked in both eyes simultaneously.
Bite my tongue..in half.
Get papercuts between all of my toes.

Ok, I think you get the picture on how much I love flying.

I would just like to ask, ¨How many times does one need to go through security?¨ Really..how many times? If I JUST got off of an airplane, never left the airport, and am getting right onto another one..WHY do I need to go through security again? I secretly think it´s because the guards like to feel me up...:) I almost got into a fight with a lady in Chicago just because she was annoying me. That would have been AWESOME. I´m totally going to try it out one of these days..

It´s also just ridiculous A)The price of airline tkts. and B)weight restrictions. Back in the day you could take TWO 75 lb suitcases. Now it´s ONE 50lb suitcase and a tkt is around 1500 dollars. Disgusting isn´t it?

I hate WAITING ..FOREVER..all of the in-between stuff is what KILLs me. Seriously. Deathly.

Now onto the airplane. On the way to Spain I sat next to a Spaniard. He was way too hairy. For some reason I NEVER get the armrest. It´s like the people I sit next to claim it ASAP and that´s it..it´s theirs the rest of the flight. I slyly tried to maintain my dignity and use at least SOME of the armrest..but no. Freaking hairy barnacle elbows over there..I had to put my sweatshirt on so our skin wouldn´t touch. Sick.

Did I mention that he fell asleep and was breathing his nasty halitosis breath on me pretty much the whole flight? And he smelled bad. This folks, is when you want to take the knife out of your butthole that you were secretly hiding through security and stab your own face (Multiple times).

The way the food smells also makes my stomach turn, there is NO room for my legs and the bathrooms are just gross. It´s fun pumping your boobs in there too. You should try it.

(Side note) I had to pump at the airport a few times. This is just ridiculous. The hand dryer kept blowing up my ¨hooter hider¨ so my hooters were NOT hidden. They were just jealous I´m sure.

Now on to the flight back to Spain... (flight to NYC)
Have you ever seen someone that´s going to be on your flight and thought, ¨Go% they are annoying!¨ I spotted ¨Annoying Man¨ right away. He was telling the flight attendant he didn´t want to put his bag down below because it had ¨important documents in it¨ Here´s an idea..take out your freaking documents..idiot!!!!!!!!!!!! He also had a stupid guitar that needed to go in the ¨closet.¨ Did I mention this was one of those small airplanes that had like ten seats and you have you to duck to walk the aisle? Just put your shit underneath and lets go!!!! So, I was annoyed w this guy from the beginning and guess where he sat..right next to me of course. He also smelled like he´d been living in an Indian restaurant for like..a year w out bathing.

Thank GOD on my way to Spain (the long flight) I was blissfully alone...popped a sleeping pill and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz all the way there.

Popping pills:The only way to go!

back in s town

Omg I can't believe how much N has changed in ten days!!! I'm not even sure she knows who I am! She better because I went through too much birthing pain for her not to!! I'm going to write more about my trip tomorrow but I'm sitting here missing my gma. Still can't believe this past week even happened. Ill never get over it.

tough ta tas

Let the weaning begin!!!

pump up the jam

I'm still breastfeeding. This is super annoying when I have to travel away from Nora. I have to drag the pump with me everywhere I go and I HATE to pump. So anywho...a few nights ago we were all staying over at my cousins house. We had a nice lil BBQ dinner planned and a crazy storm blew in. 8pm the power went out. We called the power company and they said it would come back on at 11pm. Wrong. This was a serious problem because I needed to pump. ASAP. 12 midnight rolls around and still no power. I suggested we go to a gas station. Not an ideal situation but hey, better than my boobs exploding.

We went. No electrical outlet in the bathroom. Sweet. Got stopped by the guy that worked there with a scary mullet and crazy goatee. Even sweeter.

We decided to head to good ole' Wally World. No electrical outlet in the bathroom. Double You TEE eff.

So, my cuz suggested we find a plug that we could plug into the car lighter and then plug my pump into that. We went to the "electricity" part and this super sweaty employee was no help at all. Eww. Change your shirt. We proceeded to look for the plug for a half an hour and could not find it. Finally we found someone that worked there (it was nearing one am at this point) and he asked me what I needed the plug for. Awkward. We finally found it.

We saw lesbian lovers making out in line.

God I miss America.

Death and all of his friends.

We buried my grandma yesterday. She's in the ground in a pearl white casket with a drawer full of letters written by her loved ones.

She couldn't have picked a hotter day. We were all sweating at the burial sight. I think she was comfortable. She's in heaven now with Jesus so I'm sure the temperature there is always just right.

I bought a plane ticket on Wednesday, got to IN on Thursday, and she passed on Saturday. I was able to say goodbye although she wasn't able to communicate when I got to the hospital. I still think she heard me. My brother was able to fly in and say goodbye too. It's like she was waiting on everyone. She was always so considerate.

I haven't been to a funeral in over ten years and I've forgotten how incredibly draining they are. Physically and emotionally. Exhausting.

The upside: it was like Thanksgiving in June. The last Thanksgiving I was able to spend in IN was in 2004 and the majority of my cousins I hadn't seen since then. It's interesting how it takes a wedding or a funeral to get the whole family together. I prefer weddings.

My grandma had 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 28 great grandchildren and 2 great-great grandchildren. She knew and loved us all.

I still can't believe she's gone and we've been talking about this moment for a long time. She survived cancer four times. Who does that? My gma, that's who! The worst part;my grandfather is left behind. They would have been married sixty five years on the 10th. That's a long time to be with someone! My grandfather is not an emotional person and had only told her he loved her twice in their whole marriage. Until recently. Every time I walked into her hospital room he was saying, " I Love you mother" it made me want to scream and ask God to not take her home just yet. But, He needed her. Maybe He needed her to teach Him some new card tricks or maybe he needed some more laughter up there. Either way, it was her time to go. None of us are ever ready for it. Our hearts ache with hurt and we MISS them so much but she's happy, she's well and she will always be loved.

God's Garden

God looked around His garden, and He found an empty place. He then looked down upon this earth, and saw your tired face. He put His arms around you, and lifted you to rest. God's garden must be beautiful, He only takes the best. He knew that you were suffering, He knew you were in pain, He knew you'd never get well on earth's great land again. So He closed your weary eyelids, and whispered " Peace be thine." It broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone; for part of us went with you, the day God called you home.

RIP Grandma. I'll always love you.


http://obituaries.expressionstributes.com/?of=afc3196080