On Flying...

Things I would rather do:

Pluck out all of my nose hairs one by one.
Cover myself in honey and walk into a beehive.
Have someone give me titty twisters repeatedly.
Get poked in both eyes simultaneously.
Bite my tongue..in half.
Get papercuts between all of my toes.

Ok, I think you get the picture on how much I love flying.

I would just like to ask, ¨How many times does one need to go through security?¨ Really..how many times? If I JUST got off of an airplane, never left the airport, and am getting right onto another one..WHY do I need to go through security again? I secretly think it´s because the guards like to feel me up...:) I almost got into a fight with a lady in Chicago just because she was annoying me. That would have been AWESOME. I´m totally going to try it out one of these days..

It´s also just ridiculous A)The price of airline tkts. and B)weight restrictions. Back in the day you could take TWO 75 lb suitcases. Now it´s ONE 50lb suitcase and a tkt is around 1500 dollars. Disgusting isn´t it?

I hate WAITING ..FOREVER..all of the in-between stuff is what KILLs me. Seriously. Deathly.

Now onto the airplane. On the way to Spain I sat next to a Spaniard. He was way too hairy. For some reason I NEVER get the armrest. It´s like the people I sit next to claim it ASAP and that´s it..it´s theirs the rest of the flight. I slyly tried to maintain my dignity and use at least SOME of the armrest..but no. Freaking hairy barnacle elbows over there..I had to put my sweatshirt on so our skin wouldn´t touch. Sick.

Did I mention that he fell asleep and was breathing his nasty halitosis breath on me pretty much the whole flight? And he smelled bad. This folks, is when you want to take the knife out of your butthole that you were secretly hiding through security and stab your own face (Multiple times).

The way the food smells also makes my stomach turn, there is NO room for my legs and the bathrooms are just gross. It´s fun pumping your boobs in there too. You should try it.

(Side note) I had to pump at the airport a few times. This is just ridiculous. The hand dryer kept blowing up my ¨hooter hider¨ so my hooters were NOT hidden. They were just jealous I´m sure.

Now on to the flight back to Spain... (flight to NYC)
Have you ever seen someone that´s going to be on your flight and thought, ¨Go% they are annoying!¨ I spotted ¨Annoying Man¨ right away. He was telling the flight attendant he didn´t want to put his bag down below because it had ¨important documents in it¨ Here´s an idea..take out your freaking documents..idiot!!!!!!!!!!!! He also had a stupid guitar that needed to go in the ¨closet.¨ Did I mention this was one of those small airplanes that had like ten seats and you have you to duck to walk the aisle? Just put your shit underneath and lets go!!!! So, I was annoyed w this guy from the beginning and guess where he sat..right next to me of course. He also smelled like he´d been living in an Indian restaurant for like..a year w out bathing.

Thank GOD on my way to Spain (the long flight) I was blissfully alone...popped a sleeping pill and zzzzzzzzzzzzzz all the way there.

Popping pills:The only way to go!