Happy Halloween

It´s been four whole days since I´ve written on my blog (GASP). I´ve been having blog withdrawl. It´s not because I didn´t WANT to write on my blog, it´s just that I´ve had company. (Hi M!) That´s right, it´s a holiday time here in Spain and Mon and Tues they have off. What a surprise! I´m pretty sure there´s a holiday here at least every three weeks. Working for an entire month in a row is against their religion, or so it seems.

I saw two quasi celebrities this past weekend. 1)Faroquito. What an @ss. There he was sitting with his gypsy possy in the corner of the bar with his hair and the suit, with the suit and the hair thinking he was all worthy to be called the Godfather or something. This is how the story goes. He was a nobody, an OK dancer who is a thoroughbred gypsy. He kills a guy by driving like the sidestreets are the Indy 500. That´s right, just runs over a gramps crossing the street and gets off, clean, nothing, famous. Nice.
2)Miguel. Saw him at the same bar, but a different night. No worries here folks: I realize I¨m starting to sound like an alcoholic, I went for the music. No really, I did. Anyways, he was on the show ¨Big Brother¨ last season, now he´s famous. Fame....it´s lame.

Man, bars and night clubs are hilarious. What the HECK are the girls doing in the bathroom that´s taking so long, this is what I want to know. The bar had ONE stall, first of all WHO DOES THAT? So, I think there were two girls ahead of me and I waited 20 minutes. TWENTY minutes. How long does it take to go pee and wipe? Maybe a courtesty hand wash too and I promise you ladies that doesn´t take TWENTY minutes. But, this is my theory. So ,we wait in line FOREVER so then when we get in it´s like YES this is MY TIME! It´s glorious, no music, no smoke, no evil gypsy guy with a bad mullet staring at me, just me myself and , well, u know the rest. So, we go to the bathroom (after papering the throne of course) we touch up the make up, brush the hair, heck, I think some girls have dry cleaning kits they whip out and steam it up for a few minutes heck why not? ¨I¨ve waited this long¨ they say to themselves. ¨This is MY Bathroom time!¨

Have you ever watched people dance in night clubs? No wonder people have to drink to have a good time, otherwise you just think about how incredibly stupid everyone looks and then die of embarrasment. Speaking of embarrasing. My friend and I were walking to the club and stopped on the median. As we go to cross the street I hear this ¨eeeeeeekkk¨and I look over and she´s laying flat on her stomach in the middle of the road. Ouch. Apparently her heels got caught in her jeans. So then she just jumped up real quick, grabbed her show that flew off in mid air and said; ¨I got it lets go.¨ YES! Classic, lets just pretend this never happened move. It works every time. Almost.

So, today I really had to go. We´re in the middle of the city and I HAD to go to the bathroom. We stopped at this café and I went. One stall again of course. So, I papered the throne and I was sitting down and in the ¨go¨position. As I look over I saw a Cockroach. I saw my dead grandmother in heaven at that moment because I entered the heavely realms. WHAT is a cockroach doing in my space? I mean, they are all over the place here in Spain, but come on, not in restaurant bathrooms please. So, I wasn´t sure what to do. Get up and run or push as hard as I could. I couldn´t hold it, so I chose option B. Thank God the Cockroach didn´t move, but I was staring at it the whole time thinking, ¨There is a cockroach watching me go.¨ So, I finished as quick as I could and was debating on the handwashing. I know, gross. So, I´ll have you know I decided to sacrifice my body at the death grip of a cockroach and wash my hands, and then the lights went out and I died again. You see, the lights are on timers and apparently I was there for too long. I let out a yelp and ran for dear life. I´m pretty sure my pants were still unbuttoned. My heart hurts.

Things that are stylish in Spain at the moment 1)Long beaded necklaces 2)boots 3)scarves 4)belts 5) half body sweaters

Things that Spaniards THINK are cool at the moment 1)mullets 2)short baby bangs 3)super layers 4)not wearing helmets on motos 5)serving food at a restaurant whenever they feel like it

Ok, so to elaborate on number 4. How hilarious is it that people wear helmets but don´t fasten them. Hmm. That´s gonna help. Jack@ass.

5) I loved the fact that two of my friends were done eating their meal today by the time I got mine. Now THATS service.

Happy Halloween! I mean, it´s not really celebrated here, but don´t you even doubt for one second that I´m not doing my part in bringing it over the Ocean. That´s right folks. We bought a pumpkin today, carved it and everything. It´s on the porch right now glowing it´s little pumpkin face off. It´s probably the only one in Spain, but that´s just great, cuz it´s Sara representing the US of A. Also, made carmel apples tonight too thanks to my mom who sent the carmels over.

YES I was trying to recap what I used to be for Halloween through the years when I was little and this is what I came up with: Big Bird, Witch, Pumpkin, Bat, Scary mask, 50s flapper girl, princess. Ya, that´s all I can remember. But, I do remember trick or treating with my friends and we thought the coolest house ever was the one who gave us coca cola. Simply amazing. The costume parties at school, sugar, donuts, cider, pumpkin patches, leaves, trick or treating. I miss you Halloween.
It won´t be long until all of that is here. It´s just a matter of time.

Spreading Halloween joy to the ends of the Earth,
Sara

It´s off to leprosy camp we go!

I was woken up this morning by a phone call. A very important one actually. For the past two months I´ve been looking for an extra job outside ministry. It´s next to impossible. Anyways, I thought it would be fun to work at Starbucks and they called today. So, after talking to the lady for awhile I mentioned that I didn´t have my Visa yet and she was pretty much like, ¨adios¨ I then crawled in my bed and pulled all of the covers over my head like a small child. Why don´t you just send me to leprosy camp? So ya, it doesn´t make any sense because I´m supposed to have a VISA but then the VISA people say I´m supposed to have a job that will have the company sponsor me to get a VISA. Hmm? I guess I´ll continue to live in leprosy camp until all of my skin falls off and I die a slow and painful death.

We went to the grocery store again today. Just for a few minutes though. They have this stuff here called colonia de baño. Anyways, it´s this stuff that they´ve had since the beginning of Spain and they put it on after they bathe. It´s basically just like rubbing alcohol and it reminds me of a geriatric ward. Not a big fan. I was reminded because his mom was smelling a bottle because hers is almost out and I was thinking PLEASE NO because every time I go in the bathroom after she´s put it on I can´t breathe. It´s like someone punched me in the stomach, real hard.

By the way, I think the neighbor lady totally hates me now. (ever since the dog incident) I walked out of the elevator yesterday and she didn´t even say hi. Ouch.

I went for a run again tonight and the sky was purple. Just like a crayola crayon. You know, normal purple in a normal Crayola crayon box, not this crap about 36 Crayons or 585 like they probably have now. No, I´m talking early 80s Crayola. I love you Crayola. I have yet to see a crayon here. Crayon, that´s a weird word. Say it three times in a row.

I took the dog with me again. No real serious mishaps besides all of this pooping and peeing stuff. It´s always a mystery where she´s going to let loose.

I saw a cows liver being cut up into tiny pieces in the kitchen tonight. Gross. They eat everything here, including the noses of pigs, which is served with...hair.

Dealing with leprosy,
Sara

Why is it called a cat walk? Who walks their cat??

Laundry day here totally depends on the weather. We look at the weather channel every day to see when they might be calling for rain, and then you plan laundry day accordingly. Why? Because a dryer is no where to be found around here. So, I continue to dangle out of our fourth floor window and pray that I don´t fall out as I´m hanging up my underwear. All of these thoughts always go through my head like ¨What if I slipped and I fell and had to hold on for dear life to the clothesline? Or What if someone comes up behind me and goes BOO and I get so scared I fall out?¨ I bet they would feel bad. What a way to die, at least I would die knowing I was a clean freak.

It´s true, I think I´m developing OCD about a few things. I think I´ve always had OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) to some extent, but now I´ve noticed it´s getting progressively worse. For example, I have to mop and sweep my bedroom floor every day or it stresses me out. I wear pants twice and then I have to wash them. I can´t just hang clothes up to wear it again even if I´ve only worn a shirt for an hour or two, I feel like it´s dirty. Everything has to be in its place before I go to bed or I get stressed. I KNOW! I´m a freak!

Everyone is so clean here though. Have you ever seen a Spanish home? I´ll have to go out on a limb here and say I don´t think I´ve ever seen a messy Spanish home. Everything is tip top. It´s like little Annie and her orphan friends come out at night while the rest of the family is sleeping and they sweep and mop and do laundry. Also, people mop their sidewalks too. OK, who does that when a dog is going to come by in five minutes and leave a pile the size of Mt. Everest at the front stoop.

I hate when people randomly leave their turn signals on. It makes me want to whip out a pistol and shoot their tires and then watch them squeal off of the road. Today we were behind a car for literally twenty minutes and this guy had his left turn signal on. I just stared at the blinking light for twenty minutes as my anger kept building and building. How does he NOT KNOW his turn signal is on? Is he deaf and blind? Does he not hear the click, does he not see the little green arrow in his dash? For the love of God turn off the signal! There should be a hand sign or something for this.

I´m super timid here which is funny if you know me. I just listen a lot cuz I sound like an idiot when I talk. Life is all about food here and rest. I went to get a ¨drink¨ with two different groups today. If there is a five minute period of time they are like, lets get a drink! Sure, why not?!! It takes twenty minutes for the waiter to notice we´re there, but sure, I have five minutes. It´s cool though, I wish we were more laid back in the US like this. They know how to take it easy here.

I´ve figured out that the best way to make friends is through other people. Antonios friends girlfriends or his cousins friends etc. This way they are FORCED to be nice to me. Otherwise, I think it´s impossible. What hot Spanish chic wants to be friends with a tall white girl from Indiana?

How funny is it that LEVIS (you know, the jeans) are pronounced like ¨chevy¨ here. I almost wet myself today. Also, a nestle CRUNCH is called CRUN pronounced CROOON what happened to the CH??

So, I decided to stir things up a bit tonight and take the dog for a run with me. I knew this would be insanely psychotic because the dog is a nutso. But hey, she´s cute. I always do everything possible to avoid embarrasing situations with the dog and her bowels. I always take the long way around so she doesn´t poop in the middle of an outside restaurant or something. It´s always classic when I take the plastic bag to pick up the poop ¨just in case¨ and then when the dog does poop and I reach in my pocket to get the plastic bag out and it´s not there! That has happened. But tonights scenario was different. I was walking through this outside mall (which I knew was a mistake) and I saw the dog starting to head to squat position like an Indian woman giving birth behind a tree. So, I started to yell´Chickie NO!¨ and I started to pull her leash and tried to walk faster. Have you ever tried to do that before? It doesn´t work. So, I´m pulling the dog walking at a speedracer pace and she´s being dragged across the sidewalk while poop pellets are flying out her butthole. Nice. It´s actually hilarious now that I think about her little face being like ¨Jeez lady let me take a crap¨ but at the time I wanted to bury my head under the sand like an ostrich.

That was just ON THE WAY to the park. So, we get to the park and I usually make 3 trips around. Well, at the end of lap one there was a man with his dog (who had no leash) I HATE THIS. So, I´m trying to run with the dog and of course this other dog comes chasing after Chickie (since she´s so hot) and I´m all Po´d cuz I have to stop running, but I just tried to keep going and I was like come on chickie lets go and it was just a hassle. Anyways, so as I´m running away(because I always avoid conflict at all costs) I screamed ¨CORREA¨ super loud so the guy definitely heard and correa means leash. Get a leash buddy. They are a euro at the china store. So, I was feeling all awesome about myself like YES I´ve just defended all of those people who have ever been annoyed with someone elses dog without a leash. Justice has been served. I didn´t think that this same man would still be there on lap 2. He looked at me like ¨you´re an idiot¨ I think I shrunk about 3 inches.

So, lap 3 rolls around and ANOTHER dog does the same thing and the owner asked me if my dog was in heat or on her period. Who asks that passing in the park? I felt myself getting all defensive like hey missy back off, that´s none of your business if my dog is on her period or not. So I just kept running. BWAH!

I´m not sure if I´m going to take the dog to the park again. Between her pooping, peeing, sniffing, scratching, licking and stopping just to stop, it kind of distracted me.

But, it also makes way for good convos. Especially with kids. Today I had a little boy and his mom stop me, he was like four. He was asking me all sorts of questions...what´s her name, how old is she, what´s she sniffing, does she bite. This was all at a crosswalk.

Anyways, so as we were heading back to the apartment there were these people walking towards me when I was really close to my front door and they cut right in front of me! Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever been in the middle of the city and there is someone walking two seconds in front of you and no one else around? It´s like COME ON..get out of my life and walk somewhere else. Anyways, so they passed in front of me and I was like what the heck? So, I walked super close to them and the dog was nipping at their heels the whole time. It was great. Ah, the little pleasures of life (snickering).

Never walking the dog again,
Sara

Bath time with the Arabs

Wow. I just finished reading the most hilarious blog in the whole world. Mine can´t even compare. Dang, why does life always have to be about comparing? I suppose it doesn´t, that´s just mine. Anyhooters. Speaking of hooters...they have one in Seville now! There are no sit down American restaurants here and the first one they choose is Hooters? Interesting choice. I hear they are known for the ¨chicken wings¨ Chicken wings my @ss! Maybe I should just apply there for extra money. Bwah!

I couldn´t sleep in here if I tried. There are three noises that are a daily occurence around these parts. 1) The flute man. It sounds like an Indian Chief serenading the dead spirits or something. When, in actuality it´s the knife sharpening guy. Apparently if you desire to have any particular knife sharpened take it to this guy. ¨Hey honey where are you going?¨ ¨I´m going to the knife sharpening guy at 9am. I´ll just take my knives and walk down the street with them and try to act normal.¨ ¨OK, see you soon!¨ 2) Microphone Man. There are white trucks with big old megaphones basically taped to the roof with duct tape and the microphone man is screaming todays daily special at the local supermarket. I feel like I´m in a world war or something. ..and I´m randomly reminded of Hitler? 3)The Gas Man. Remember how I told you I have to light this thingy to take a shower? Well, there are those gas tank thingys...basically like the ones you have for your grill. Well, that guy has a truck and he rides around the neighborhood, hops out of the truck, bangs all of the tanks together, and then continues to drive around...repeating steps two and three. Apparently if I want some more gas (ha) I go to my balcony at approx. 9:15 am and scream, hey, up here gas man! For the love of God STOP banging the dang gas tanks against one another. It´s like nails on a chalkboard, I then have skin like a chicken at 9:16 in the morning when I should be sleeping but I can´t because indian man, hitler himself and gas man are all annoying the crap out of me!!!!!

I heard someone use the word ¨bamboozled¨ today. Is that really a word? I like it.

So, we went to the campo today. A bird escaped. We have no idea how, it´s just not there. Sad, but true. No underwear for the dog today, apparently she ate her way out of them. Poor dog.

Today I also went to the Arab baths with two friends. I have never been to such a place in my lifetime. It was awesome. It´s always weird to get naked in front of your friends. WHAT!! Let me explain. You go into a dressing room and you have to put your bathing suit on before you enter the baths, sauna or jacuzzi. But, it was just one big room, so there were no bathrooms or anything. Hmm. Lot´s of things go through a girls mind when they know they have to get naked 1)Did I shave? 2)How does my butt look?? 3)I´m so embarrassed 4)I hope they aren´t looking at me 5)What can I do so they can´t see me?? and the list goes on and on. You try to cover yourself up with a towel or something, but the other girls aren´t because they are already moms so I feel like once you´ve had a child anything goes. So then you just feel like a prude. Eventually you just say aww screw it and strip and change...hoping to God that they don´t glance your way. Which is awkward too because you don´t want to be too silent because it may seem like you´re weird, but at the same time you don´t want to be naked and be like ¨So, how´s the weather?¨

Phew. Finally, the bathing suit was on. So, then it was right to the massage table. I had never gotten a professional massage in my life. Once again..awkward. Thank goodness it was a girl. I had to take my top off so I´m sure she saw my jugs. Once again I was thinking, are my legs hairy..This was a leg, back, head and arm massage. Also thinking ¨I hope I don´t have any zits on my back¨ also thinking ¨this is weird that this girl I don´t even know is totally massaging my body and in between my legs¨ next thought ¨this is awesome please don´t ever stop¨ next thought ¨no, for the love of God it can´t be over!¨ next thought ¨crap, I have to sit up again and I have no top on, will she see my hooties¨ next thought, ¨ oh well who the heck cares¨

Then there were three different rooms with three different kinds of baths and a sauna. Too bad I burnt my foot on some crazy hot air that was coming out of the corner in the sauna. I totally couldn´t see antyhing beacause it was so steamy and I just screamed DANG super loud. oops. Didn´t get the memo that the room would have an echo and that there were signs everywhere that said ¨Please talk in a low voice.¨ I´m pretty sure they wanted to kick me out. Why do I always have to be ¨that girl?¨

I also got whistled and honked at today as I walk down the street like I was some kind of a duck. I have always been confused as to why guys do this here?? Do they think I will be impressed and walk over to them and be forever theirs?? I basically want to kick them, hard.

Out and over,
Like President Bushs´popularity.
Feese

Supermarket sweep

Around 4 a.m. That seems to be my normal bed time these days. Why you ask? I have no idea. Usually it´s because someone is screaming outside, or the TV is too loud, but last night it was because the baby chics were squawking all night long. That was a new experience. There are four of them by the way! Five were born, but only four survived. I saw some more being born this morning. It´s gross because there is blood and everything! ewww. I´ve never tried to sleep with baby chics in the same room. Finally I put them in a box, made a lightbulb concoction (or however you spell that) and marched them to the kitchen. Then I shut the door. Finally, silence.

This morning I went to the supermarket. I´m not used to these small aisles. What was the designer thinking when he designed these aisles?? I´ll tell you what he was thinking. He was thinking that one small midget would be in the store using a mini midget cart. That´s what he was thinking. It´s ridiculous! It´s like a one way street, but with a cart trying to get by on each side. Which is totally normal. Of course there are going to be people that want to go both ways, but midget designer man wasn´t thinking of that at the time. So, we are in the beverage aisle trying to get some Fanta. (Let me just preface this by saying that I´m the kind of shopper that´s like get it and go. I hate dilly dallying around). So, now that you are all aware of that all I wanted to do was get my freaking fanta and go. But I couldn´t get around this lady who had a cart with nothing in it. She was seriously picking up every single drink on the shelf and slowly turning each bottle. Are you serious? You know who I´m talking about. Those people that take 60 minutes to decide whether they are going to buy Coke or Pepsi. I can´t handle it. I seriously had to hold my arm back, otherwise I would have decked her in the face and said, ¨Get the HECK out of the way.¨ FINALLY I got around her and she still had nothing in her cart. She obviously has lots of free time on her hands because she spends at least 4 hours at the market...I guarantee it!

So, I sent my friend some earrings in the mail last week for her B day ( to the States) I talked to her today and was like ¨Did you get the earrings I sent you?¨ She proceeded to tell me she received an envelope with a gigantuous whole in it, but the letter survived. What the heck? Who DOES that? I hate postal workers. Who rips a hole in an envelope and steals what´s inside?! I´ll rip a hole in his or her face. Oh sorry, I¨m feeling hostile tonight.

So, remember I told you how the dog has her period? Well, so, it´s gross because we have tile floors but it like drips, so we´re always walking after her with the mop in tow. Anyways, so today Julia was like, put something on her! So, I went and found a pair of old underwear and put it on her. I think it was the funniest thing I´ve ever seen in my life. The dog with my underwear. The contraption worked though. No more stains!

Why do guys have nipples? There´s a thought for you.

So, usually when we eat dinner the TV is always on, and dinner around here is ten pm. Well, that´s usually when the movies are on. So tonight this couple was totally doing it in the movie and they were making the noises and everything. Also, you know at that exact moment there was a lull in our conversation. Talk about uncomfortable. The sad thing is everyone is so used to the TV and craziness that´s on the TV that I don´t even think they thought twice about it.

I´m off, like a toupé in a windstorm.
Sara

It´s a BOY!!!!!! or is it?

YES! Our first chic hatched today...and I witnessed the whole thing. Well, kind of. It takes 12 to 24 hours so I witnessed SOME of it. It was awesome. Isn´t it weird to think that something with a heart and eyes and legs and a brain grew inside of an egg for 21 days? I still can´t believe it. It´s gross to think that uneaten eggs are baby chics. Poor little chic. Oh, something else that was cool is that you can hear the baby chics peeping ( I forget how you call the sound they make) but you can hear them INSIDE the egg! You´re kidding me! That totally amazed me. YAY. Welcome to the world baby chic! Too bad I ate her/his mom for dinner.

Today I went to church, ate lunch with some friends and then went for a run in the park.

I know this couple and the lady is a clean freak...borderline sickness. Like, her hands are all raw and red because she´s constantly cleaning. She has two kids and every night before they go to bed she washes and dries their shoes. Too bad they have to get new shoes like every week because thats a lot of wear and tear. She has everything super organized and get this...every night she washes the dog and scrubs his ears with a brissle pad. Poor little dog! It used to be black now it´s grey. It will prob be white some day because she´s going to wash the color right out of it. Well, the dad just bought his son a turtle a few days ago. There is a terrace that they are able to climb to the top of the roof and now the dog puts the turtle in it´s mouth and they hide up there. How hilarious is that? That is definitely an image I would love to see. Can you imagine a dog with a turtle in it´s mouth? I wonder what the turtle is thinking?

Today Antonio´s uncle was here and I went to give him two kisses goodbye on the cheek because I thought he was leaving, and it turns out he was lonly going to the bathroom. Ya, I felt like an idiot.

Trying to sleep with peeping chics,
Sara

Somewhere over the rainbow

I saw a rainbow today. It was so beautiful. Not only is it beautiful because of what it signifies (God´s promise that he´ll never flood the earth again) but also it´s just amazing to look at. It was like the skies were divided into two parts, black and nasty-rainy then rainbow. This is the 3rd rainbow I think I´ve seen in Spain, I think there are more here..haha. One time I saw an entire rainbow...because usually you just see half of it, I have a picture. I can show it to you if you want.

Maybe on the other side of the rainbow people flush the toilet. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people don´t flush the toilet after they´ve peed. I once heard someone say the rule of their house was...if it´s yellow let it mellow if it´s brown let it drown. Hmm..now that´s poetry. But come on, I don´t want to pee on top of someone elses pee..it smells funny.

Our dog hates the water, and swimming in the pool. She´s only gone in once and she hated every minute of it. Well, today at the campo we threw the ball for her to go get and didn´t think anything of it. None of us saw her but we all heard this SPLASH and she´d fallen in! I think she might have cut the corner too short. It was only 70 degrees today and we haven´t swam for weeks because it´s too cold, so the water had to be nice and... nippy. Antonio rushed over to get her out because the way the pool is shaped she can´t get out on her own. We were all laughing so incredibly hard. She just stood there for a second totally dazed, and then she peed. I felt bad for her though because her little paw was bleeding, I think she broke a nail! (gasp!)

Isn´t it funny how cultures all make different sounds? Like we say ¨ouch¨ and here they say ¨ay¨ or we say ¨umm¨ and they say ¨eh¨ and for a shooting noise we say ¨bang¨ and they say ¨blas¨ and we say ¨honk honk¨ and they say¨ moggie moggie¨ and there are many many more to come folks...

So, I´m trying to do laundry today and I miss the dryer. I am going to give my dryer a big hug in the States when I see it. It´s usually so sunny here in Southern Spain so no one has one. Well, when the winter months set in it´s cold and sometimes rainy and so hanging the clothes inside takes at least 2 or more days to try. Every year there is a big debate about whether we should get a dryer or not and Julia..Antonios mom is always like I need a dryer, and then by the time she is almost ready to get one...it´s summer again! Also, I miss normal showers. Here it´s gas so every time I want hot water I have to take a match and light this thingy...and sometimes the gas runs out. (Usually when I´m in the shower) like tonight for example. I´m enjoying my scorching hot shower because that´s how I like em´and then all of the sudden BAM like someone is throwing a bucket of ice over my head. AH!! Oh shower and dryer I miss you both.

I had pizza hut for dinner tonight and it was dang good. It smelled just like it does at home. It´s funny how a smell can send your mind swirling and you remember all of these different things. I remembered my fourth grade ( i was prob ten) B day party at pizza hut. Aww. Good times. I also remembered several other slumber parties and date nights with my parents at Pizza Hut. Aww!

Parents need to take control of their children! Here especially! What´s the deal with the kids being in charge of the parents? Particularly at restaurants. Usually, parents want their children to be well behaved and sit and be quiet at the dinner table. Not here. It´s like as soon as the family gets to the restaurant the kids are off and running screaming jumping around going to talk to every table...and the parents are like ..oblivious. Incredible...simply amazing! Remind me to re read this blog when I have children someday.

Well, I´m off to watch soccer..or should I say football.

Dryerless,
Sara Lynn

Ode to Random

How funny is it that they serve beer at McDonalds and pizza hut?

My day started off great. Our dog is NEVER allowed up on the bed or any kind of furniture for that matter. Well, today I was feeling cuddly so I let her up this morning. You are not going to believe this folks...drum roll please...the dog started her period on my bed!!!!!!!!!!! That´s all I have to say about that.

How uncomfortable is it try on shoes or any other clothes for that matter? Shoes it´s like they go get the shoes, then stare at you while you try them on. (OK; I don´t feel pressured to buy them or anything!) And clothes, it´s like they were just waiting for you to come out of the dressing room...and then LEAP they´re on top of you like a lion on a zebra. It´s nutso.

Ok, When am I going to stop getting pimples? This is just ridiculous! I feel like I´m 14 again. Who knew that pimples would continue on into womanhood? How embarrassing. One day my face is Charlize Theron, the next it´s Monster. I´m not quite sure what to do about it. I feel like going out in public with a paper bag over my head. Isn´t it horrible when you have a zit and you feel like that is ALL people are looking at.

Well, Juan Manzano has started the dance party outside my window. Did I already tell you about him? He´s about 50 something and just does drugs and drinks all day long. He wakes me up every Saturday morning sounding like a broken record saying ¨Buenos Dias, Buenos Dias, Buenos Dias.¨ Botellon has begun for the night. No sleep for me!

Did I mention that every Spanish woman I see is pregnant right now? When I studied here three years ago no one was pregnant and now EVERYONE is...I wonder what´s up with that? (And no, I´m not by the way). I was sick a few weeks ago and I had TWO people ask me if I was pregnant. I wasn´t sure how to take that...ok, I think I was offended. The V card is still in tact folks...and I´m DANG proud!

Here´s an interesting fact. I was reading in the paper today that a whopping 63 percent of Spaniards DO NOT use internet. Weird. Meaning, they don´t have it in their homes because of costs. I thought that was interesante.

Man, Spanish is hard. At lunch I was trying to explain that my brother broke his leg when he was little while the babysitter was watching him. Instead of saying baby sitter I said woman crab. Oops. With a crab watching him no wonder he broke his leg. Everyone just laughed, so I joined them. Sometimes I have to laugh not to cry. Saying R´s and A´s ..it´s just so hard and reflexives like se te le me..ok who cares already?! Plus a word always has to be fem or masculine..WHY!? Why can´t it just be an it gosh darnit!

Oh man, this show started last night called Gran Hermano. It´s basically like Real World on MTV. Anyways, this girl Inma came out and her face was covered in make up. I had never seen anything like it. She looked like she ran into a paint easel. She used lip liner but totally painted above her lips, like right below her nose to make it look like her lips were bigger and her blue eye shadow was out of control. Way beyond 80s baby. So, during commerical break I went in and painted my face like hers and came out ...and it was hilaroius. I had everyone rolling on the floor laughing. I should have taken a pic. Ah, the things I do for entertainment.

I think it´s hilarous on side streets or whatever if there is a pedestrian in the road and a car wants by they just honk. Haha. That would definitely be considered rude back home, but I´ve noticed it´s a natural thing here these past few days. To get out of the gas station you have to go through a small opening. Well, there was a guy crossing the street and this car just honked..like get out of my way you A hole. At that moment I thought of my drivers test at 16 when one of the questions was ¨When you see a pedestrian crossing the street you should A) Stop and let them cross B) Honk and scream out the window get out of the way! or C) Run over them

I guess B would be the right answer here!

Weight is constantly talked about, which drives me insane. I´ve pretty much accepted that...that´s going to be the topic of conversation if I haven´t seen someone for awhile. A´s uncle came over today and he´s a bigger man. Well, his mom talks to his uncle for like ten minutes about how fat he´s gotten. I know, weird. Also, I get felt up all of the time by his mom and aunts. It´s true, my breasts have been fondled by my prob mother in law. Gross. But, I have to get used to it. You see, it´s like I´m a manican when this happens. It´s A´s mom and his aunt and they just talk about me like I´m not in this body that they are fondling. And in the meantime I´m screaming on the inside, HELP! Talk about uncomfortable. Family is super important here. His aunt, uncle and cousin came over to eat today. It´s so hilarious because when they leave it´s like first we all say goodbye, then we walk to the door and watch them get into the elevator, and then we walk to the balcony and watch them get into their car and wave goodbye, and it´s not like we aren´t going to see them in months. Oh no, they come over on a weekly basis. Oh Spain, I love you.

I am basically peeing my pants right now. Antonio does this ¨basketball¨ move which makes me pee every time. He acts like he´s holding a basketball and he twirls around in a circle and shoots a fake ball into the air while his shoes are squeaking...all the while curdling his lips like a goldfish. It´s hilarious. He also says, ¨Sorry sweetie¨ all the time. Oh no, what have I done?!

Trying to avoid getting fondled on a weekly basis by my ¨family members¨

SF

Another one bites the dust.

I am so tired! For some reason I can never get to sleep! Last night I fell asleep around 4:30 in the morning. What is up with that? I had coffee during the day at 11 am but surely the caffeine wasn´t still in my system!? Don´t you hate that when all you want to do is sleep, and you can´t? That´s the worse. Especially when I was in highschool. I started school at 7:28 am or some ridiculous hour like that so I forced myself to go to bed at 10:30 (which by the way I haven´t gone to bed at 10:30 since then...or gotten up early for that matter). But it was the absolute WORSE when I couldn´t get to sleep, because I KNEW I was going to be tired the next day. I´d always be like..OK don´t look at the clock but then I always would. It´s funny the mind games we play, or maybe that´s just me? Also, another pet peeve of mine is when I´m woken up by something...that drives me crazy, because then I can´t get back to sleep! Do you have one of those mom that like would vacuum on a Saturday morning at 9am when you were trying to sleep? Classic.

So, we went to the Campo today. The Campo is A´s parents other house in the country. This is where all of our animals are...although our rabbits and dog are here for now. Anyways, another chicken died today!!!!!!! Dang! What if that weird poultry virus is coming this way?! No chicken for you! So, we did what any other dead chicken owner would do, scooped her up, put her in a garbage bag and sent her happily to the next life. I think she was old though...who knows?

Well, I went to the store to get my cell phone fixed today. It´s five months old and already not working. Interesting. I probably won´t get it back for a week or so...that´s quick here. We´ll see. The lady had the classic attitude of pretty much anyone that works at a store here. They have the attitude like ¨What the heck do you want and why are you bothering me?¨ Usually you go in and there´s no one at the counter, and they pretty much come out when they feel like it. She didn´t smile the whole time we were there. Sometimes I feel like dancing just like Napolean Dynamite in the middle of the store to make people laugh, hey why not, I´ve got the moves! I´m not sure it would work though. They might call security.

I went running in the park again today and I saw my favorite dog! I´ve always wanted a Wiemerraner (or however you spell it) I think they are amazing and I have not seen ONE here in Spain. The other day I saw one on a car commerical and I was so excited! Well today I saw one in the park! I almost wet myself while running, which would have been a challenge but probably could have been done. I wanted to run up to the guy and say where did you get that? But once again, didn´t want to come across as a psychopath. But, I did stare for quite awhile. Man I love those dogs!

So, soccers pretty big here. That´s an understatement. Real Betis is my team.....forcefully because that´s Antonios families team. They played tonight, but unfortunately lost. Real Madrid is also a Spanish team, but I hate them. Anyways, David Beckham is on that team and he and his wife ¨Posh Spice´ have 3 kids. It was in the newspaper the other day that she´s NEVER read a book in her life. First of all that´s just sad, second of all, why would she ever admit that? She has three sons and she just recently said that she would like to have a baby daughter so she can paint her daughters nails. Good reason to want to have a daughter. Anyways, I´ve gotten off on a tangent..what I wanted to rant about was how much money they make. What the heck? They make like a jillion dollars a game......just to play soccer ? (No offence) Like why don´t teachers make a jillion dollars a class or trash men 4 jillion dollars a week? Why do sports players or actors get so much money ? For example FRIENDS ok 1 million dollars an episode...who does that? Anyways, those are my thoughts.

I´m out..like crimped hair.
SF

Don´t count your eggs before they hatch.

One of our babies chics starting pecking it´s way out today! How exciting! That´s how I woke up this morning and I was elated. I even took a picture. It was so cool because you could see the beak moving and everything. Then we left for an hour and came back and it was dead. Talk about a buzz kill. What the heck? I guess it was not supposed to be born until Thursday. Bummer.

Today we had to go to the bank. Have you ever been to a bank in Spain?? I don´t EVER reccomend that you go. It´s horrible! Let me explain why. First of all, the banks are usually small and everyone and their mother is smoking. There are no fans or any kind of ventalation for that matter so you´re pretty much dying a slow death while waiting in the gigantuos line. Also, customer service is pretty much horrible and the lady that works there is giving you the death look the whole entire time you are talking to her. Just by her eyes I could tell she was blaming me for everything that had gone wrong in her life and that with every ounce of her body she hated working there...and that she wished she´d never been born. Good way to mingle with the clients. The 1 line that they usually have open is full of about 10 people minimum. Everyone goes to the bank for everything, it´s like checks are non existent, and I pretty much think they are. There are no drive up windows or anything like that here in Spain. Don´t you dare think they would make life that simple. I´ve decided that their motto here is ¨Let´s make life as difficult as we can.¨ (aww, I´m sorry Spain. Why am I being so hard on you? It´s not as bad as I´m making it seem).

They DO have Starbucks here in Seville now which is totally heaven sent. I love it! There weren´t any until about 6 months ago and now there are 3 within walking distance. I don´t know if I should be sad about that or happy, but most of the time I´m happy! YAY! Perhaps because it reminds me of home...and ¨working¨ at Team Expansion when all of my co workers and I would go on a daily basis. Ah, now that was the life.

Then, I went running in the park.....and came back and did situps while eating a chocolate bar. Good times.

I just got done watching an amazing documentary about this woman that was born without arms and pretty much had a deformed body. She was a midget, had no arms, and her feet were kind of messed up. Well, she got pregnant..and had a baby! Her boyfriend left her but she had the baby anyways. Wow. The baby was totally healthy and it was amazing what this woman could do. To top it all off she was a painter...she painted with her mouth. Props to her because I can´t even paint stick figures with my hands!

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1612969/ go to this website if you want to watch a documentary about a different lady without arms. Amazing!

Time for bed.
The chicken assassin,
Sara

Milk jugs for sale

It rained again this morning. I officially hate when it rains because there is nothing to do! Life here in Seville is outside in the streets and sunshine, no one is ever in the house...only when it rains. So, of course I was bored. Plus, I never want to go out when it rains because the rain always blows under my umbrella and the bottoms of my pants get wet. That might be the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. It´s one of my biggest pet peeves.

Speaking of rain...I found out my grandma has cancer the other day. Her name is Wilma so pray for her if you remember. My moms maiden name is Smith, so that would make my grandma Mrs. Smith, my aunts name was Gloria Jean and my name is Sara L.......indsay. But what if it would have been Lee? Wouldn´t that have been hilarious. But get this, my dad and brothers middle name is Lee. Bizarre.

Wow. I just looked over at the TV and there was a lady hanging onto the bedpost, and let´s just say the man was down under. TV, news, advertisements, etc. are SOOOOOO different here than in the States, here they show everything. Sometimes there are boobs, butts, V´s Ps, you name it, it´s all on TV. And this isn´t porno TV or anything I´m watching, oh no, just regular old TV. Every day on the news I pretty much see dead bodies, or someone killing someone, or a guy flying off his motorcycle and dying. I´m eating when I´m watching the news, I don´t want to see that! Today I was reading the paper and as I turned the page BAM there this lady was with her two kids getting milk from her jugs. Her daughter was like 5 (GROSS) and her son was 2. Apparently there was a ¨gathering¨ in Madrid and all of the moms were breastfeeding to show their pride. I think when your kid gets teeth that´s a good sign to stop.

Thank God I don´t have a car here. Driving is insane. These are the reasons why I´m glad I don´t have a car 1) I have 100 percent road rage when I drive. All the rage I´ve ever felt in my life seeps through my pores when I get behind the wheel. 2)Gas prices 3)Insurance prices 4)I would probably get cussed out everyday. 5)Parking

Ok, I think those are enough reasons. Remind me of these when I start whining about not being able to drive. So, we were trying to get to the center of town today and find a parking spot. Usually by the time we find a parking spot I´m so bored I just want to go back home. ha. So, today this guy was in front of us but pulled off to the side and put his blinker I guess emergency lights on. So, we started to pass him, but every time we would start to pass him he would start driving again! What the heck? So, OK dangerous...because there were cars coming from the other direction. Finally we pulled up beside him and of course he was on his cell phone. So, he finally rolled down the window and he and Antonio had a few words. It was awesome. He had no CHANCE of even being right. He was trying to tell us that he was pulling over to let us pass. Ok sweetie, every time we tried to pass he would start driving, PLUS he was on his cell. Us 100 points him 0. I liked seeing Antonio ¨aggressive¨ like that...he handled it like a pro, no bad words, he just told him like it was...get off your cell phone. So they chatted (ha) for awhile and then we drove off. It was pretty much awesome. That´s like the third fight Antonio has gotten into with drivers, and it´s awesome every time. Just because people are idiots...and of course we´re always right. HA!

So, tonight it stopped raining and we were able to walk around. I love just walking around because the weather is perfect right now and the moon is full. What´s with everyone being so fashionable? ? Can´t I just wear jeans and tennies and feel normal? Absolutely not. Just put an American flag around my head and a sign that says I love America and call it a day. It´s funny to pick out the Americans, super easy to do...tennis and jeans. So, I try to ¨fit in¨ by being semi stylish, but I´m sure they can still tell.

Plus, lots of people make out in the streets here. Today is the second day in a row I´ve seen 2 guys MAKING OUT. I mean, that´s fine but I´m just not used to that. I´m not gonna lie, prob never will get used to that.

That´s all for today my friends.
Hoping not to see any breasts on TV or in the paper for awhile,
Sara

Get your own man...man!

Today I went to church. ..why? Because it´s Sunday. For my entire life I have always gone to church on Sunday´s and I love it! What would life be like without it? Even through my college years I went to church...now THAT´S pretty weird. I like my church here. The music rocks! It´s typical Andalucía music (which is the zone I live in) Basically, it´s one guitar and lots of big women clapping and singing their lungs out. Simple yet powerful. I like that we have communion every week and that the wine is real, no grape juice wanna be wine look a like crap here kids. Oh no, it´s the real deal. Antonio and I actually split the shot of wine we get, how hilarous is that knowing how small those cups are? It´s because the wine they serve is so sweet I can´t drink it all, it makes my cheeks curdle. Also, there is this old guy that always prays when he´s not supposed to...classic. He´s probably around 80 and his face looks like it´s made of pure wax. He knows how to pray though. Those are a few highlights of my church, I´ll think of more next week.

So, after church Antonio and I usually go to ¨coffee.¨ Although, it´s not really coffee because neither of us really like coffee. He usually gets Nestea and I get a cola cao...which is hot chocolate. But, we still continue to call it coffee because that just sounds cooler. I sound like an idiot saying, ¨Let´s go get hot chocolate.¨ I should start the trend though. Anyways, I had to pee. It´s true. So, I went directly to the bathroom while he ordered. So, I came out and noticed that this older man (about 45 or so) was talking to Antonio. Looked like a pretty intense convo. So, the guy saw me and he seemed kind of ...out of sorts. I wasn´t really sure what was going on so I just sat down and tried to act normal. So, the guy was asking where Antonio lived and asked him a few more questions and finally was like ¨OK, have a nice day.¨ Well, when he left Antonio told me he was hitting on him! For those of you that don´t know what Antonio looks like, he has black hair but he has white hair growing too. ¨Salt and pepper if you will¨ By the way, when we were home in the US my aunt asked if his hair was frosted. Ok 80´s baby? Don´t EVER ask that again! Ok, so I guess this guy was like ¨Oh my gosh your highlights are FABULOUS, they SO favor you.¨ and Antonio was like, ¨Oh, their not highlights it´s natural.¨ And this guy just flipped out and was like blah blah blah I LOVE your hair...and basically hitting on my man! Now what´s a girl to do when a MAN is hitting on her MAN? Talk about uncomfortable. Also, to add to this story...Last summer Antonio and I went to the gay pride festival in Chicago...heck, why not? Anyways, afterwards we were sitting at this diner and Antonio was by the window. This guy was walking by and TOTALLY looking back and starting at Antonio...and then he ran into a pole. We wet ourselves right then and there in the booth. I guess I shouldn´t be complaining...I suppose all this attention from other men has just thrown me for a loop. He hates it of course.

So, then we went to the ¨animal market.¨ It´s every Sunday in the town square and since we´re obsessed with animals we always go. It´s fun to compare prices too. A boxer was on sale for 300 euros! Too bad we found ours in the street for FREE when she was just a puppy...suckers! We got 3 new birds. A pair and a girl. One of the girl birds died last week (oops) so the male was kind of lonely! So, we took them to their cage and it´s so cool how they just find each other. Like the girl found the guy right away...aww, how sweet. All of the pairs are always together. I think it rocks!

Today was also a frustrating day because Antonio´s brother annoys me (oops, did I say that out loud?) my bad! I guess I just think he´s selfish and he was SMOKING in my room...GASP! The comp is in my room and he was using it and decided to smoke. I was infuriated...I HATE smoke! So...I was just so frustrated I cried. Have you ever done that before? If not I highly suggest it, it´s quite liberating. Anyways, let´s just say he won´t be smoking in my room again.

Then I went for a run in the park. Ok, what´s the deal with peeing in the park? This isn´t the first time I´ve seen it...it´s a regular occurrence. So, this is what happens...it´s usually little girls that are four or five. ..and I´m guessing they have to pee. So, the mom takes off the girls pants and underwear and stands behind the daughter while holding her daughters legs apart around the thigh area...spread eagle while the daughters piss just splatters all over the sidewalk. (And prob on the moms shoes) Who does that? Oh, wait, a lot of people do that here. Also, I´ve seen PLENTY of little boys hot dogs flippin all over the place to water the lawn. Not such a pretty sight.

On that note, I´m off....like Bill Clintons trousers.

Feese Dawg

Happy Trails to you!

Nothing too hilariously funny happened to me today so don´t get your hopes up!

I´ve officially found ...I´m gonna say the most wonderful smell in the WORLD! I know, I know that´s a pretty big statement...the world is a pretty big place, and I haven´t seen all of it, but in my 24 years of life this is it. It´s a flower called Dama de Noche. It´s a flower here in Spain that´s around during the summer and it´s amazing. Every time I smell it I close my eyes and breathe in, and I never want to smell anything else again in my life, just that. It kind of reminds me of lilacs, but it´s way better. It´s not too sweet, but just sweet enough. Thank you LORD for this flower.

I´ve kind of got a headache. People talk too loud here, like everyone is hearing impaired or something. I feel like we´re all in a big TV and I just want to reach out and turn down the volume. It´s all the time though! It´s not just during fights or anything like that, nope, it´s pretty much constantly. I´m never really sure if people are cussing each other out or telling them they´ve found the love(r) of their life. I am not sure I´ll ever get used to it!

People are funny here. I think they kind of look a little too long at others. Today I witnessed one of the funniest things I´ve seen in awhile. It was great. I was sitting in a park area and this girl walked by a group of about 6 guys. She walked by and they just ate her alive with their eyes. It was pretty sick actuallly. (Now I know what guys are doing when girls walk by). Also, I went to a café with a friend of mine. She just had a baby 6 weeks ago. Her baby was with us. OK, what´s the deal with grandmas telling other women what to do with their babies? Today there was this table of people and it was so obvious they were talking about the baby. But, a few weeks ago a different friend of mine has a baby about the same age. A random group of old ladies came up to her and told her she needed to put more clothes on her baby and she should give her a bottle. WHAT? Who are these people? I would have been like shut up you old hag...I mean I would have ripped her dentures out and thrown them into the ocean...I mean...I dunno what I would have done, but that stuff just doesn´t happen at home.

I have an incubator in my room. How random is that? When was the last time someone told you that? Anyways, we saw the baby chics inside! We turned off all the lights and out of a reading lamp made a doo hicky where we put an empty toilet paper roll up to the light and then you put the egg inside of that. It´s so cool! I could see the eyes of the chic and everything! Even veins. I can´t wait til their born!

My bunnies escaped for awhile yesterday. Now I know what happy trails really means.

Dreaming of when the whole world will smell of Dama de Noche,

Sara

Don´t throw a hissy

I´m still tired today. Last night was night number 3 without sleep. What now you ask? A guitar! It was 3 am and this guy was strumming flamenco on his cheap, ugly guitar. I wanted to ....well, I´ll try to be nice. But once again I ask...Who are these people? For the love of all that is pure and holy GO TO SLEEP!

Can I just get a ruling on how gross it is that Katie (or as she wants to be called now Kate) is having Mr. I´m so cool and your glib Tom Cruises baby? There is such a big age difference between them he could be her dad. Ok, not to falt vocabulary, but once again, that´s just gross. I won´t even get into the religions they have....it´s like comparing the comfort of a thong and regular underwear...no comparison. NO similarities what so ever! How did I get on this topic?

So, today I went to the post office. Once again I was treated as a dumb foreigner. I head to send three letters and so I told the guy I wanted to send them to the States. I had already handed him 3 letters and he asked me ¨How many?¨ I thought the whole world had learned to count to AT LEAST 3! Maybe I was wrong? So, I simply replied ¨3.¨ THEN the total was 2.34. And you know when you tell someone how much something is you usually say two thirty four. Oh no, not this guy he said TWO THREE FOUR....Please ...someone help me! I try not to get upset, I really don´t, but it´s just too ridiculous for words. I suppose I should just laugh and now throw a hissy, but come on!

I saw my friend Stan today. I´m not sure if that´s his real name or not, but it´s what I´ve named him. It´s this guy that I´m pretty sure lives in the street. He´s a sight for sore eyes. Let me describe him for you, go on, take a good look. First off, he´s a tall goofy looking white guy with a semi fro. Now that´s hard to pull off for a white guy. He has a tall dorky look, but he´s kind of chunky, like he´s eaten too many Ben and Jerry´s. Today he was wearing an 80s headband, a jumpsuit with a long beaded necklace and a Jam Box on his shoulder. I think he´s confused about who he really is. He kind of looked like he didn´t know whether he was going to play basketball, a dance party, or a runway.

I just saw the movie Wedding Chasers. I´m officially going to make a statement. Will Ferrell is my hero. He was in the movie for a total of probably about 2 minutes maximum, but he made the movie. I know, I know, it´s hard to believe, it seems unbelievable, but it´s true folks. He´s simply...amazing. And with that news my friends, I bid you goodnight.

Off like a prom dress,
Sara

Tired anyone??

Buenas noches a todos! Don´t you hate it when people speak a different language to you, probably just to show off...and you´re like ¨ya, ok??¨ When Antonio was visiting the States people were talking to him in all sorts of languages, French, ..ok maybe just French but it was funny. Oh, maybe there was Italian in there too. It´s like people just throw out there whatever langauge they know, hoping he´ll catch on perhaps? I´ll be honest with you, I´ve never really understood that.

I´m still tired today. If it´s not one thing it´s another. Luckily there was no botellón last night...but you´ll never guess what kept me from sleeping. Drum roll please...a guy sitting on a park bench coughing. I thought he was going to lose a lung or something. I wanted to anonymously throw a cough drop out the window but I decided against that. I thought it might spook him out. I just couldn´t believe it though. GO HOME! Who sits on a park bench at 2 am on a Wed night...when it´s chilly outside. AH! Oh, also my bunnies kept me awake. They are still too small to leave them outside in the cage so I have them in my room. They´re constantly scratching at the box like it´s a never ending mosquito bite. I moved them into the shower.

My cell phone stopped working today. Don´t you just hate it when things stop working for NO reason at all? I can´t stand it! It was working fine yesterday, so what the heck happened while I was sleeping that it just stopped working ? It will probably take at least ten years to fix it...at least.

I got a care package today...thank you mom!! I freaking LOVE care packages, so if you would like to send me one, please feel free. Things I miss most...Dr. Pepper, Pancakes, Pop tarts, and cheddar cheese. Random ? Perhaps. Oh, and People magazine, I´m dying without it! Anyways, my mom sent me a People and Pop tarts along with LOTS of yummy cadies..YES! It was all packed in newspaper and my friends were staring at it like I was unpacking a dead body. I was like what? I guess they were just dumbfounded by the paper because it´s so different than here. It´s true. First of all, it´s a totally different material, it´s recycled paper here and darker. Also, our papers in the States are super tall. They are so long vertically, haven´t u ever noticed that?It´s like people are bird watching, but no, they are reading the paper. Here, they are a lot shorter. Ha! Just another funny cultural difference.

Ah, the finale of my favorite show is on....gotta jet!

Unable to fix anything myself,
Sara

Who cut the cheese?

I have a fear of knives. I took a cooking class I believe it was called ¨home ec¨in seventh grade and I cut my finger while washing a knife. Who does that?? Ever since then I´ve been completely traumatized. It seems like here in Spain I have to work a lot harder to eat my food. Everything needs to be sliced, picked, seeded, pruned....you name it...you gotta do it. Let´s take sunflower seeds for example. In the states you just buy a bag of the seeds and call it a day. There´s no work involved, just opening the bag. The last time I checked that was a pretty simple task. Not here. There is an ART to eating sunflower seeds. They come with the shell. You bite once at the top, once at the bottom, and gently scoop out the tiny seed with the tip of your tongue. It´s actually quite amazing watching people do it. There should be a spot in the Olympics for this. (I´m horrible at it by the way). I guess it keeps the pounds off because I get tired of doing this after eating about two, plus my tongue feels like I´ve licked a salt block.

Anyways, back to cheese. So, tonight at the dinner table I was thinking, wow, I´d really like a slice of that blocked cheese. So, they passed it to me and with this 5 cent cheap knife I could not cut it! It was like trying to cut bone with a plastic knife. It had this hard plastic covering on it so I just kept sawing away and in the meantime the whole family is staring at me like ¨Who doesn´t know how to cut the cheese?¨ So, I kept trying and a few seconds later it flung out of my hands and hit Antonio´s dad. Nice. I hate cheese.

I was tired today. I haven´t slept in what seems like ages because of a little thing called ¨botellón.¨ What the heck is botellón you may ask? Let me explain. About 14 years ago people decided, hey, wouldn´t it be fun to just drink alcoholic beverages in the streets, turn up our music really loud, throw things at peoples cars, deprive anyone that goes to bed before 5am of any good sleep what so ever, and yell obscenities into the navy sky at 4am?? It´s unbelievable. You wouldn´t believe it unless you saw it. I remember first coming here and I was like ¨Whoa has there been an accident?¨ That´s what it would remind you of because there are ALL of these people just standing around, but unlike an accident there is no one in the middle of the circle with an apendage missing. So, the thing that is crazy is that no one can do anything about it. If you called the police they would just laugh and eat another donut.

I painted a bird house today, it was quite relaxing. We are turning into quite the farmers. Antonio built and incubator and it´s in his room with 15 chics waiting to hatch. Weird. Also, we have two bunnies (i´ve never had to clean up so much poop in my life), 1 dog, 2 parakeets, one canary, chickens, other assorted birds, and a partridge in a pear tree. (Not all in the house by the way). I´ve always been baffled by the small hole in birdhouses. How do the birds FIT in the hole let alone raise their family in that so called ¨house?¨ Talk about a buzz kill.

I´m out, like a fat kid in dodge ball.

Still learning to cut the cheese,
Sara

That´s just the way it is!

It´s true folks. My camel has officially joined the blogging caravan. I´ve decided that my life has too many random, hilarious, and ironic things going on to not share with the rest of you. Besides, being a foreigner learning a different language and culture adds lots of fun to the mix.

Plus...¨How do I know what I think, unless I´ve seen what I´ve said.¨ That´s my favorite quote of all time!

I moved to Seville, Spain in Feb 2005 so I´ve lived here almost eight months now! Too bad I didn´t start this when I first moved here, but in tonights blog I´lll just recap a few of the highlights that have happend this week. If I tried to recap the last eight months you would be bald, fat, and ugly by the time I´d finish.

-disclaimer...if a few of my sentences are worded weirdly, please forgive me, my English is a bit rusty! bwah!

Let me begin with the department store lady. I had found a pair of boots that I loved and I wanted to try them on. There was a display just like any normal shoe store and the boots that I were eyeing were sitting on the display...normal, right? So, after waiting for about 10 minutes for someone to acknowledge that I was a living breathing human being, the lady finally came over and talked to me. (Living in Spain takes lots of patience, patience, patience). So, what you have to realize is that my secret is out once I open my mouth and say something. I´m guarding this beautifully kept secret that they just might think I¨m Spanish, but all my hopes are dashed once I speak. It´s proven that if you don´t learn a language before the age of 12 you´re pretty much always going to have an accent. So, I told the lady what size I wanted and she looked at me like I was an absolute idiot with four ears and three elbows. Then she proceeded to hold up three fingers and point in an upward motion telling me that this was only a display and that I needed to go to the third floor to try on the boots. Ok, 2 things about this scenario irked me. 1) Why have that display there if I can´t try on the shoes?!!!!!! 2) I´m not an idiot!! I´ve been studying Spanish since I was 16, needless to say I have a long way to go, but come on! Slowly but surely I´m learning to accept that...that´s just the way it is! One thing I´ve learned about languages is that if it´s not your mother tongue people tend to speak really LOUD...it´s like..I´m not deaf!! I feel like I´m trapped in a babies body and I have this persons face really close to mine and their speaking loud and in baby tones. It´s a nightmare! Anyways, back to the lady. I think I would have appreciated her hand motions I suppose if I didn´t have a clue, but at that moment I wanted to slap her across the face and scream, ¨Don´t you EVER do that again.¨ But, of course I just smiled and walked away. I bought the boots by the way.

We have a boxer named Chickie. She´s adorable except for when she comes into the room, farts, and then walks off. I could do without that. Anyways, we live in an apartment (kind of) so I was going to go walk her so she could do her duty. Well, the way our apts. are set up is there are four floors and each floor has 2 apts. When I open my door I see the door of our neighbor. Let´s just say I wouldn´t invite her over for tea anytime soon. So, usually when I let Chickie out I don´t put the leash on her until we´re in the elevator. Not such a good idea yesterday. I didn´t look out the peak hole before I opened the door and I didn´t realize our neighbors apt. door was open and her cleaning lady was mopping the floor! So, I opened the door and I yelled Chickie no because I wanted her to come back into the house. It was at that very moment that the floodgates of Mother Mary herself opened and all of the urine that Chickies bladder had ever created was trickling out onto the floor and into the freshly mopped hallway of my neighbor! She started yelling at me saying , ¨Pull her back into the house!¨ I was thinking, Ok lady! Who touches a dog when it´s peeing? Gross! So, I just let her finish and then got the mop.

Today we went to visit Antonio´s Grandma. She´s 97 years old and lives with Antonio´s aunt and uncle. She´s so cute although she has no idea what´s going on! Everytime I go visit her I´m someone else. It´s kind of fun to change my identity. Today I was José and Marias daughter. Nice. Also, she has no teeth. Here in Spain when you say goodbye and hello you give a kiss on each cheek. I love grandmas kisses. She basically sucks on my cheek for five minutes. To grandmothers´house we go!

So, this is long enough I suppose. I´m off to bed.
The girl with an American Accent,
Sara