Thursday, October 27, 2005

Why is it called a cat walk? Who walks their cat??

Laundry day here totally depends on the weather. We look at the weather channel every day to see when they might be calling for rain, and then you plan laundry day accordingly. Why? Because a dryer is no where to be found around here. So, I continue to dangle out of our fourth floor window and pray that I don´t fall out as I´m hanging up my underwear. All of these thoughts always go through my head like ¨What if I slipped and I fell and had to hold on for dear life to the clothesline? Or What if someone comes up behind me and goes BOO and I get so scared I fall out?¨ I bet they would feel bad. What a way to die, at least I would die knowing I was a clean freak.

It´s true, I think I´m developing OCD about a few things. I think I´ve always had OCD (Obsessive compulsive disorder) to some extent, but now I´ve noticed it´s getting progressively worse. For example, I have to mop and sweep my bedroom floor every day or it stresses me out. I wear pants twice and then I have to wash them. I can´t just hang clothes up to wear it again even if I´ve only worn a shirt for an hour or two, I feel like it´s dirty. Everything has to be in its place before I go to bed or I get stressed. I KNOW! I´m a freak!

Everyone is so clean here though. Have you ever seen a Spanish home? I´ll have to go out on a limb here and say I don´t think I´ve ever seen a messy Spanish home. Everything is tip top. It´s like little Annie and her orphan friends come out at night while the rest of the family is sleeping and they sweep and mop and do laundry. Also, people mop their sidewalks too. OK, who does that when a dog is going to come by in five minutes and leave a pile the size of Mt. Everest at the front stoop.

I hate when people randomly leave their turn signals on. It makes me want to whip out a pistol and shoot their tires and then watch them squeal off of the road. Today we were behind a car for literally twenty minutes and this guy had his left turn signal on. I just stared at the blinking light for twenty minutes as my anger kept building and building. How does he NOT KNOW his turn signal is on? Is he deaf and blind? Does he not hear the click, does he not see the little green arrow in his dash? For the love of God turn off the signal! There should be a hand sign or something for this.

I´m super timid here which is funny if you know me. I just listen a lot cuz I sound like an idiot when I talk. Life is all about food here and rest. I went to get a ¨drink¨ with two different groups today. If there is a five minute period of time they are like, lets get a drink! Sure, why not?!! It takes twenty minutes for the waiter to notice we´re there, but sure, I have five minutes. It´s cool though, I wish we were more laid back in the US like this. They know how to take it easy here.

I´ve figured out that the best way to make friends is through other people. Antonios friends girlfriends or his cousins friends etc. This way they are FORCED to be nice to me. Otherwise, I think it´s impossible. What hot Spanish chic wants to be friends with a tall white girl from Indiana?

How funny is it that LEVIS (you know, the jeans) are pronounced like ¨chevy¨ here. I almost wet myself today. Also, a nestle CRUNCH is called CRUN pronounced CROOON what happened to the CH??

So, I decided to stir things up a bit tonight and take the dog for a run with me. I knew this would be insanely psychotic because the dog is a nutso. But hey, she´s cute. I always do everything possible to avoid embarrasing situations with the dog and her bowels. I always take the long way around so she doesn´t poop in the middle of an outside restaurant or something. It´s always classic when I take the plastic bag to pick up the poop ¨just in case¨ and then when the dog does poop and I reach in my pocket to get the plastic bag out and it´s not there! That has happened. But tonights scenario was different. I was walking through this outside mall (which I knew was a mistake) and I saw the dog starting to head to squat position like an Indian woman giving birth behind a tree. So, I started to yell´Chickie NO!¨ and I started to pull her leash and tried to walk faster. Have you ever tried to do that before? It doesn´t work. So, I´m pulling the dog walking at a speedracer pace and she´s being dragged across the sidewalk while poop pellets are flying out her butthole. Nice. It´s actually hilarious now that I think about her little face being like ¨Jeez lady let me take a crap¨ but at the time I wanted to bury my head under the sand like an ostrich.

That was just ON THE WAY to the park. So, we get to the park and I usually make 3 trips around. Well, at the end of lap one there was a man with his dog (who had no leash) I HATE THIS. So, I´m trying to run with the dog and of course this other dog comes chasing after Chickie (since she´s so hot) and I´m all Po´d cuz I have to stop running, but I just tried to keep going and I was like come on chickie lets go and it was just a hassle. Anyways, so as I´m running away(because I always avoid conflict at all costs) I screamed ¨CORREA¨ super loud so the guy definitely heard and correa means leash. Get a leash buddy. They are a euro at the china store. So, I was feeling all awesome about myself like YES I´ve just defended all of those people who have ever been annoyed with someone elses dog without a leash. Justice has been served. I didn´t think that this same man would still be there on lap 2. He looked at me like ¨you´re an idiot¨ I think I shrunk about 3 inches.

So, lap 3 rolls around and ANOTHER dog does the same thing and the owner asked me if my dog was in heat or on her period. Who asks that passing in the park? I felt myself getting all defensive like hey missy back off, that´s none of your business if my dog is on her period or not. So I just kept running. BWAH!

I´m not sure if I´m going to take the dog to the park again. Between her pooping, peeing, sniffing, scratching, licking and stopping just to stop, it kind of distracted me.

But, it also makes way for good convos. Especially with kids. Today I had a little boy and his mom stop me, he was like four. He was asking me all sorts of questions...what´s her name, how old is she, what´s she sniffing, does she bite. This was all at a crosswalk.

Anyways, so as we were heading back to the apartment there were these people walking towards me when I was really close to my front door and they cut right in front of me! Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever been in the middle of the city and there is someone walking two seconds in front of you and no one else around? It´s like COME ON..get out of my life and walk somewhere else. Anyways, so they passed in front of me and I was like what the heck? So, I walked super close to them and the dog was nipping at their heels the whole time. It was great. Ah, the little pleasures of life (snickering).

Never walking the dog again,
Sara

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