lets get high

Dang. Has it been that long since I´ve written. Actually, it´s probably better that I didn´t write this week. I think I was in the worst mood for the past three or four days than Michael Jackson was in when they told him he was white. I wanted to bitc@ slap everyone single person across the face that I came in contact with. Have you ever had days like that when EVERY single person you see you just want to smack SO hard that you see red marks across their face? No, nothing? Oh, so that´s probably just me. I´ve decided that to take the edge off I´m going to start taking drugs. I think it´s the best option for me really. A little speed here a little coke there. Yes, I think that will do me just fine. Now if I could just come up with some extra cash...

I´m sick of seeing penis man at work. Seriously...no, seriously. I don´t know what to do. Also, he came home on Thur night and I was with him by myself in the kitchen. I felt SO uncomfortable. I can´t explain it but it´s just the way that he looks at me it´s creep ola city. I pretty much want to hunch into a corner and suck my thumb. So, instead I left early. Good times.

Also, I don´t like planning weddings and I´m planning two. We´re getting married and partying in IN but then we are having another party here. Everything is different. Every single little thing that they do here is different than we do there. So, of course I have no idea what I´m doing. Apparently, if your dress doesn´t have sleeves it´s ugly, if you wear black to a wedding here you are going to hell in a handbasket and gold rings are IT. ICK. I´m sorry but you can chop off my finger and then put a gold band on it because that´s just wrong. Gold is so 1970s. No offense to anyone who wears it...(loser) haha.

I´m off to find some drugs.

I heart Rod for life

I´m so happy. I just downloaded ¨The very best of Rod Stewart.¨ I heart Rod Stewart. My dad took me to a concert at ND my senior year of highschool and I´ve been in love ever since. I´m so impressed with how old he is yet how he can really move those hips. He also had more outfit changes than Madonna. My dad bought me a flourescent green Rod Stewart shirt and dared me to wear it to school ......oh you know I did. I also had just gotten back from spring break so my hair was ¨weaved¨ if you will. So, basically you know I was looking hot. I have no shame. The funny thing was that about a month ago Rod was on a Spanish Program here called Operacion Triunfo which is pretty much American Idol. He sang and then the host went over to talk to him and he just left. ROD! Maybe he thought he was going to have to speak in Spanish or something. I was laughing my bootang off. That´s Ok Rod, I still love you. He probably had to go give his baby boy a bath and then go clubbing with his 20 something daughter. On another note..

This could be what a typical convo between A and I looks like,
me: Hey, how was your day?
him: Good, how was yours, what did you do?
me: Oh you know, the usual, some ironing, watching the twins, saw another mans penis.

That´s right folks, the snake was out again today. I´ve honestly lost count of how many times I´ve seen it. He´s def doing it on purpose. His robe was OPEN today. I´m really at a loss for words here. All´s I can say is that obviously miracles happen because he managed to make twins come from that. I mean, it´s tiny. Ok, comparison here just so you have an idea...I think his 9 mth old sons is just about the same size as his. Lorena Bobbits husbands, after being cut off, IS the same size. So, for the love of God STOP showing it to me. Maybe if it was bigger...haha. just kidding! That´s so nasty, PUT IT AWAY! Gosh, help me think of something to do next time it´s out. Should I just yank on it? Kick it? Poke it? Tug it? Flick it WHAT?? Instead I´m just a mute girl because it´s just so awkward. I´m really not used to seeing a penis on a daily basis, as I´ve mentioned before. Now, when I get married on the other hand...bwah!!

Pancho

Have you ever slept on your ear ¨wrong?¨ How is this possible? It´s just flab. But man does it hurt. I´m pretty sure that and charlie horses are up there with child birth. Ya, pretty much the same.

So, all of the blogs I´ve been adding are young couples and people with babies. After nannying for the past 7 mths I do not want or need any babies. I want quiet. For now anyways. That will probably change in about ten years, when I´m 36, the avg age here for women to have babies. Ten more years of freedom! Yee ha!!

Speaking of babies. We have a new one. His name is Pancho and he´s only staying until Thur! Fabulous! He´s a 1 mth old greyhound. I think that´s a dog, or is that just a bus? My Engl is failing me at the moment. Anyways, he´s a gift for a family member and he´s staying here until Thur. The Chiqui is NOT too happy about that. Considering he keeps sucking her nipples... cousin Pancho is gonna HAVE to go soon. She´s not a big fan of the nipple sucking, esp. with no milk inside. She´s also not a big fan of Pancho stealing her bed. The poor Chiqui. We force her to sleep in the kitchen with Pancho so when he cries and screams at night for his mama she can be back up nipple force. Ya, that´s not working so well. I went to the bathroom at 3am and the poor Chiqui was in a corner all alone on the cold tile floor without her bed. She was staring at me behind the glass door and by the look in her eyes I¨m pretty sure she said, ¨You stupid beep, i can´t believe you did this to me, beep, and then a few more beeps.¨Boo hoo. No worries Chiqui, he´s leaving soon. In the meantime I´ll keep posting fabulous photos. And putting Nivea on her nips. Enjoy

who could ask for anything more

I must say I am that girl in my dance class. The teacher only calls on me to dance with her in front of the class...and pretty much she´s like, ¨sara this and sara that.¨ Oh ya folks, I´m her. Can I tell you a secret? I actually kind of like it..haha. All the ladies are like ¨Oh, she´s young and so she gets it.¨

I´ve got one thing ladies, it´s called Rhythm. Look it up sometime. Otherwise the foreigner is gonna keep making you look like you ain´t got none. This tall white girl from IN is DOMINTATING. Then again, they do have 40 years on me. Ok, I´ll give them some credit.


Have I told you that I´ve been wearing a wrist band for the past two months? I think I sprained it or something. Must be all this dancing. It´s starting to get serious...with my wrist band that is. I think we might run away together.

Ok, I´m bored and I have to go eat Special K for dinner. Gotta look good in my dress. Too bad I eat an entire gigantuous pack of peanut m and m´s afterwards. I figure the special K sort of cancels those out.

loser

¨I´m a loser baby, so why don´t you kill me.¨ I have that song stuck in my head today.

I´m a 26 year old college educated pretty good at spanish gal and I´m a professional babysitter. For twins. ¨Would you like some cheese with that whine?¨ BUT I´m illegal. Hence ´Illegal alien in spain.¨ That´s right folks. I´ve lived here for 2.5 years and I´m only supposed to be here for 90 days. Don´t tell anyone. So, therefore no one or their mother wants to hire me for a ¨real job¨ because I´m a loser-leper. Until I have my heavenly lovely glorious beautiful papers. I´ll get those when I marry my beloved on August 11. Just another benefit that goes along with the deal. THEN and only then my friends will I not be a professional babysitter. Until then....poopy diapers and spit up it is. I don´t know if any of you watch Sex and the City but I am totally Miranda when it comes to the baby dept. Not good with kids ...at all. So I think it´s HIlarious that Im a nanny. Another secret, I don´t even like kids. Gosh, I´m hoping I like my own. Can´t I interview them or something before they are born? Nope, not you...next!

I called my dad today and the conversation went like this.
me: HI
Dad: Hello
me: How are you?
Dad: Who is this?
me: Um your daughter!
Dad: Oh, hi.

Happy 31st Birthday today Brother. I still have scars on my ass crack from all of those wedgies you used to give me. Thanks for that.

Balls.

Nick, you are right, checks are so 1985.

The only bad thing about hanging your clothes on the line to dry, is that sometimes when you bring them in to fold them you find weird things. Like: bird poop or wild beastly bugs. Today I was folding my pants and a gigantuous looking moth like creature from another planet swooped out of them. I freaked out. How dare this bug invade my pants. Also, what if it hatched something in the crotch? That would NOT be good.

Went to the dog park again with Chiqui. This time we were well equipped with her magic ball. We threw it and all of the sudden 3 or 4 other dogs came running out of nowhere and snatched it up! They were handling my ball!!!! I felt so violated. So, I had to go over to the owner and be like, ¨Um, your dog as my ball.¨ It was kind of funny and dirty saying ¨ball.¨ So, he was like, ¨Oh, sorry.¨ and went to get it. The funny thing is it was TOTALLY covered in slobber and he kind of looked at me like...oops. So, he handed it to me and we just laughed. Thanks for the ball...you slime ball! Ok, that was bad.

train

Man, last night I wish I would have had my camera..again. I need to buy a tiny one so I have it in my pocket at all times.

We took the Chiqui to the park and there was a train. A butt smelling train that is. I swear there were at least five or six dogs all lined up in a row just sniffing away. What´s the deal with that anyways? I mean, it can´t smell good being that close to it. I´m assuming it doesn´t even smell good far away. Maybe they are thinking..oh, this one could smell different like strawberries or oranges and perhaps they have their hopes up and are going to keep on doing it until they find what they are looking for...whatever that is.

tag!

It´s highly uncool to blog twice in one day but Lyndee tagged my so I´m supposed to write six peculiar things about myself. Welcome to the secrets of my life.


1. My parents were watching TV late one night in the family room. I came out with my hands on my hips, walked to the center of the room and said, ¨What the Hell is going on in here?¨ I was four years old.
2. When I was younger I had three freak accidents...I fell down the stairs and bit my tongue in half (have the scar to prove it) was running and I ran into the wall...my barret got buried in my head AND i picked a tiny pin sized scab on my chin and hit a blood vessell. i had to have it cauterized. blood was squirting out like a fountain. cool! to top it all off, it was my moms B day!
3. My first love and kiss was at age 16. We dated for six months and he took me to my favorite restaurant, bought my icecream, took me to the park and then said, ¨i´ve been thinking a lot about us lately.¨ Totally dumped me.
4.I´ve been to just about every country in europe, Africa and Japan. They have ¨onsens¨ in Japan. It´s basically like a big bath with lots of naked women. Ya, that was embarrassing.
5.I despise mayonnaise, hangnails, stubble, shrimp and beer.
6.I have 23 first cousins.
Now I tag Katie and Amber

ah money

look at all this money! isn´t it so beautiful? it seems like monopoly money but it´s not. here each bill is a different color 50s are orange, 100s are green, 500 are purple. and the bigger the bill the bigger the bill. literally, it´s bigger. fives are the smallest, then tens etc. so ya, kind of weird. they´re like ¨don´t you get so confused that all the american money looks the same? ¨ umm, nope, can´t say that i do.

also, everything is paid for in cash. its like checks are non existent. i once heard of a lady who had thousands of euros in her purse cuz her and her husband were going to buy a car and her purse got stolen. all the money gone, just like that.

also, housing here is out of control. see all the money i´m holding? that´s from A´s parents because they bought us a home!!!!!! yipee. 240,000 dollars........for a tiny tiny apartment. most people are paying 900 a month for 40 years...this is the reason why so many ¨kids¨ live at home ...um, their whole lives because they can´t afford a place!! so many of A´s friends want to get married and they can´t because they can´t afford anything. I know we are so blessed thank you LORD for our new home:O) Come visit anytime.

stereotype

Scenario: a few weeks ago i broke out in hives randomly..i had an allergic reaction to something..possibly a hot dog since i never eat them and the night before i did.

Docs´office

Me: ¨I think I had an allergic reaction to something I ate.¨
Doc: ¨Have you eaten anything out of the ordinary lately?¨
Me: ¨Yes, last night I ate a hot dog and I never eat those.¨
Doc: Looking like she´s just seen Christ´s return ¨WHAT you NEVER eat hot dogs? I thought that´s all Americans ate...that and hamburgers.¨
Me: Oh, and don´t forget the pizza.

Fire in the Hole

So, today I was alone all morning cuz the rents took the kiddies to the doc. So, I had to clean the entire house from top to bottom among other things. I´m so glad I have a college eduacation..otherwise I wouldn´t know how to mop properly. (Speaking of, the other day someone asked me if there are mops in the USA) ok, so I was reading in the living room ..hey, come on, I needed a breather, and I saw all of these fire trucks going by...........fast forward.

I walk into our building and I see all of these dirty footprints. Ya, that fire, our next door neighbor. Apparently she left the food cooking on the stove and went to breakfast. She forgot. Way to go slick. Why don´t you just kill us all. Our building is set up so that there are four floors and two apts. on each floor. Also, we have gas here. (haha) As to say...we basically have giant gas tanks in our kitchens (like that of a BBQ) and every time I want hot water to wash my face, take a shower, clean my ....ya, I have to go into the kitchen, find the matches and light a box on the wall...pilot light if you will. This is especially fun at 1230 in the morning after coming home from a tea party AKA bar and have to wash the face..........

So, my mother in law was in the St. and she called my bro in law and A´s cousin that lives here to GET THE HECK OUT..basically because the house could have blown up at any given time. Of course the first person we thought about salvaging (this word looks like...ya) was the Chiqui. Ok, she´s not a person but she´s the best dang dog in the world! As they were going down the fireman were racing up the stairs and she was licking all of their faces.

Thank God the Chiqui is OK...oh, and everyone else too.

joke

Bubba's Transformation

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic....And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday.

The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass, and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish.

randomness

Did you know that cats only have 7 lives here. What happened to the last two? Maybe they were born on a leap year or something.

The other day I was walking to work and there was a pig leg sticking out of a trash can. Ham if you will. I REALLY wish I would have had my camera with me.

Today we went to the market. I love going to the market because you find things like tennis shoes...2 for 15 euros and we bought a tie and cufflinks...6 euros. YIPEE. You also see things like fights and three grandpas hovered in a circle clutching their most prized possession...a porno mag. Good times.

We got tkts. to go to Portugal yesterday..we head out for four nights in April. YIPEE. We haven´t been traveling much due to the fact that we are saving money and also I really don´t have the proper paperwork at the moment. My bad! Wow, I noticed that I just said YIPEE way too many times in this e mail. I´m too happy today.

Today is my best friends bridal shower........and I¨m a horrible maid of honor in that I didn´t get a tkt. to go home for it..but with all of these weddings and showers etc. I´m going to be B.R.O.K.E. this summer. Cheers to her. Here is a pic of her and her man. I love you Lynda!

And I Quote

¨I have to get up with him early in the morning otherwise he might leave without drinking his chocolate milk.¨

That is a quote about a mother that should make me feel all butterflyish and tingly inside. It would make me feel that way if it was a mother talking about her six year old son.

Instead, it makes me want to hurl out all of my intestines knowing it was said by my future mother in law about Antonio´s brother. He´s 28.

How bout them apples?

Holler!

Just got back from dance class...and I quote, ¨Sara has the best rhythm of any of you Spaniards and we´re dancing Sevillanas.¨ SNAP I think in another life I was Spanish. I am officially saying I´m spanish from now on. It´s in my blood..somewhere, it has to be...no, nothing?

Oh, Sunday I saw a fight. We were in a market and there were all these gypsies and this guy was like ¨here hold my sandwich¨ and then he punched another guy in the face. COOL!

Also, on Sunday I watched Rocky 1, 2, 3 and 4. Rising up.....................it´s the eye of the tiger. Yoooooooo ADRIAN!!!!!!!!!

I love Rocky. Sara hearts Rocky Balboa 4life.

hola

Wow, is it Saturday already? When did that happen? Sorry I haven´t written for awhile. Nothing all that cool has happened. There have been a few short robe sightings but now robe=run away. Run far, far away. I mean honestly..don´t get me started.

The babies are sick and have fevers. But, I´ve discovered that he absolutely loves when I burp. He laughs like he´s just heard the funniest joke ever told. So, I burp quite often.. anything to make a baby happy. He also likes (well, they) also like when I sing and dance. Tina Turners ¨private dancer¨ came on the other day and they were really into that. I´m all, ¨I´m your private dancer, a dancer for money, I´ll do what you want me to do.¨ And then I thought, ¨Wait, is this appropriate for little children? Prb not.¨ But I kept dancing anyways...again, anything to make a baby happy.

It´s been a beautiful weekend...high 70s and sunny...yipee. Today we went asparagus hunting. We found..7. That will make a great big giant tortilla..ha

I love the 1st of the mth cuz that´s pay day. Right now I have two 500 euro in my possession. Here they are called ¨bin laden¨ since they are never seen..........enclosed is a pic. Aren´t they gloriously beautiful?