hmm.

It was 104º today and I had 13 kids in my classroom and the AC was broken. That made for a long four hours.

As we were in the patio the last few minutes I had two of my students sitting at a table and I said, ¨Do you want to color or draw?¨ (it was a boy and a girl) The boy says, ¨No, we are chatting.¨ ¨Really?¨ I say. ¨About what?¨ ¨About LIFE¨ he says.

They are six.


Did I mention Spain won the Eurocup? I´d like to think my presence had something to do with their victory. They hadn´t won since 1964...

WE WON WE WON!

Spain just won the Euro Cup 2008. What a great game. Olé!!

fresh air

i was wearing a bikini that tied behind my back and neck. my mother in law was putting on sunscreen and the neck part came untied. my boobs were exposed. totally naked. thank GOD my husband was the only person who was standing in the room. i think he was pleasantly surprised at the mid day peep show.

funniest joke i´ve read in a long time

The Day the Penis asked for a Raise
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised,
the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other
locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the
correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your
assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting
the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
V. Gina

!Que Fuerte!

Russia 0.

Spain 3.

FINALS HERE WE COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ick

i despise summer shoes. for some reason i have the most sensitive feet (and head) on this planet and all shoes are painful. i have four different pairs but each pair rips off my flesh in different places. my feet look like they have been through a war. so, before slipping on a pair in the morning i have to decide..do i want to lose the flesh on my big toes, tops of my feet, bottoms of my feet or my heels. its fantastic.

today it was officially 104 degrees. how about them apples?

one of my kids also told me i have a lot of moles. go figure.

Ode to Shel

So, summer school has begun. Today I only had two kids, the rest of the week I will have four and next week thirteen. It´s over 100º so ya, summer is officially here.

Today I had two girls in my class and I think one is a bit snooty. The last hour we were watching finding Nemo and to translate she basically said, ¨When are we going to do something else because I´m so over this.¨ So translating I basically said, ¨Sweetie, you are seven, get over yourself and sit your little white ass down.¨ I´m pretty sure she loves me.

So, next week I have to do some sort of play with the kids so of course I thought of Shel Silverstein. I think he´s quite possibly one of the most brilliant childrens books writers to ever have walked the face of this earth and thank the Lord I grew up reading his poems.

So, in honor of summer school..this one is for you Shel- A classic.


Where the Sidewalk Ends

There is a place where the sidewalk ends
And before the street begins,
And there the grass grows soft and white,
And there the sun burns crimson bright,
And there the moon-bird rests from his flight
To cool in the peppermint wind.
Let us leave this place where the smoke blows black
And the dark street winds and bends.
Past the pits where the asphalt flowers grow
We shall walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And watch where the chalk-white arrows go
To the place where the sidewalk ends.
Yes we'll walk with a walk that is measured and slow,
And we'll go where the chalk-white arrows go,
For the children, they mark, and the children, they know
The place where the sidewalk ends.

Shel Silverstein

...

I think the dumbest things in life are hilarious. Yesterday we stopped to get gas and there was a fly on my window. As we were pulling out of the gas station the fly just stuck there..on my window. We were seriously going about 50mph and the fly was STILL on the window. How could it´s little fly lets be so strong and sticky? Why didn´t it just let go? So, I was STARING at the fly and started laughing so hard I think some pee pee came out. It finally let go at about 70 mph. Good times. My husband just thinks I´m weird. Hey, he knew that before going into this union. I think?

Speaking of our union. I like to look at the photo album of our guest book. We took a pic of everyone there. Is it bad that four of those couples are not together anymore? 1 divorce, 1 death, and 2 breakups. It hasn´t even been a year yet. But, lets look on the bright side, FIVE babies were born. There were lots of preggers at the wedding. Good way to save on the bar bill. I planned well.

I´m pretty sure I´ve gotten quite used to Spanish culture although there is one thing I just can´t hack. It´s the cleaning thing. WHY do people have to clean during hours..either do it before or after. I went to the gym at 8am today and there is an old lady cleaning every single day. I was on the bike and she wanted to clean the bike and mop the floor around it. So, of course she gave me the LOOK OF DEATH because heaven forbid someone is actually using a machine while the gym is open. BACK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then when the floor was wet I got off the bike just to put my lovely footprint and I could feel like I was a hollywood star. Then I bent down and put my handprint too. It looked good.

wedding anniv

Today is my best friend in the whole wide world Ms. Lynda Marie´s 1st year wedding anniv. I was her maid of honor and it was fabuloso. We have been friends since..the womb and I was so happy I was able to share her special day with me and she was there to share mine! It´s actually quite an amazing thing when you´re lucky enough to have a friend for 20 years! We played barbies together, died of embarrassment when our moms talked about ¨the change¨ talked about our first kiss..........and so on and so on and so on... Together.

Anyways, Happy Anniv Lyn. I love you to pieces and miss you even more.

All my love, Feese

TOMA!

TOMA TOMA TOMA TOMA!

A POR ELLOS!

PODEMOS!!!!!!!!!!!

ESPAÑA!!!!!!!!!!!

I´m stoked. Why would you be watching the eurocup? Prob don´t like soccer nor do you live in europe. However, I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SPAIN IS KICKING ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just got done watching an amazing game against Italy and we are now in the Semi-finals! A POR ELLOS!!!!!!!!!

!

AFTER
BEFORE

AFTER

So, yesterday was the big haircut day. I´m working my way to shorter. There was LOTS of hair on the floor. Phase 2 soon to come.

Thoughts??

this just in....

so, i just went into the kitchen to make dinner and there was a gigantic crocodile on the wall. aka huge lizard. i thought it was a plastic magnet joke from antonio. oh no, not a joke. this is just getting out of hand folks. now i´m reminded of why i´m usually NOT here in the summer. post pics later.

ps. i´m getting all my hair chopped off tomorrow. katie holmes style.

a little strange.

so, this is my last week of normal classes as i start summer school on monday. i will be teaching six year old monsters...eh kids from 10-2 monday to fri. (tear).

i have been teaching a lot of my kids since oct. so i thought they would be sad to see me go. not so. they are more interested in other things like the pool or scabs.

i was doing an art project with ana and i saw her picking her arm. ¨what are you doing?¨ i asked. she looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes like she´d just hugged mickey mouse himself and she says to me, ¨I LOVE picking off my scabs and then sucking the blood. it´s SOO fun.¨

have fun with that.

and then i threw up.

worst nightmare. check.

So, I wasn´t tired last night due to my two hour siesta in the afternoon. A had gone to bed and I was watching the classic Patch Adams on the couch. It was 130 am. So, I felt something crawling on me and guess what it was? A COCKROACH! I´m pretty sure it touched my boob. Did I mention I´m terrified of cockroaches? Even seeing them makes me want to throw up so imagine my disgust when one decided to feel me up. I have never screamed so loud in my life. I jumped up and ran into our bedroom. By this time I was hysterical and crying. I woke A up out of REM sleep which is just...bad. So, he´s all ¨What´s wrong?¨ And I´m all ¨Cockroach on the couch!!! KILL IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¨ So, as I hunkered down under the sheets feeling violated and disgusted I hear WHAP WHAP. He used my slippers that I had just gotten out of the washing machine to crush the cockroach. And I´m sure that our neighbors thought some serious domestic violence was going on. Who screams at 130 am? I DO! But seriously, cockroaches appear out of thin air! Where are they coming from? Did you know that they fly too? My friend lives on the FOURTH floor and he said one day he was sitting at his kitchen table eating and WHACK one flew in the window and hit him right in the forehead!

Did I mention I hate cockroaches? That´s the second one we killed this weekend. On Sat night as I was putting the clothes on the line A said, ¨Don´t move!¨ Great. As he went to get the mop to whack it´s head off I imagined this gigantic cockroach coming over and biting my achilles heel and I´d never be able to walk again.

WHY do I have cockroaches in my home? I always imagined them in homes of filth and disgusting people. I promise you my house is CLEAN. I´m the grab the bottle of bleach girl clean. Sat I spent four hours cleaning an already clean flat because I was bored. GO AWAY COCKROACHES!!!!!!!! Or else...

They say that if there was a nuclear bomb cockroaches would be the only species to survive.
Damn you!

happy anniv!

Today is my friend Jills first year wedding anniv! Weird to think a year ago today I was walking down the aisle in a pink bridesmaid dress!

Happy Anniv Jill and Marcel!

Xo

a day late but..

happy fathers day dad!!!!!!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!

the nephew

We´ve been hunkering down in the AC. It´s over 100 big ones.

Here are some recent pics of the nephew. Chuck Bob..AKA Charles Robert.

how to tell if your moms favorite.

Bumper Stickers

¨Jesus loves you..but everyone else thinks you´re an ass.¨

¨Guys ...just because you have one, doesn´t mean you have to be one.¨

¨I used to have a handle on life but it broke off.¨

¨Don´t like my driving? Then quit watching me!¨

¨Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.¨

¨Try not to let your mind wander, it is too small and fragile to be out by itself.¨

hmmm...

I own two mops. Talk amongst yourselves...

The Bathing Suit

This will be me in no time.


The Bathing Suit
When I was a child in the 1960s the bathing suit for the mature figurewas boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. Theywere built to hold back and uplift and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with afigure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice-she can either go up front to thematernity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming awaylooking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's Fantasia or shecan wander around every run of the mill department store trying to makea sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of florescentrubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice andentered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room.
The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of thestretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, Ibelieve, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which givethe added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one,you are protected from shark attacks as any shark taking a swipe at yourpassing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash. I fought my way intothe bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place, I gaspedin horror - my boobs had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took awhile to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside myseventh rib..
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The maturewoman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speedbump.I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a fullview assessment.
The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fit those bitsof me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliouslyfrom top, bottom, and sides. I looked like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, theprepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, 'Oh, thereyou are,' she said, admiring the bathing suit.
I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me.I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of maskingtape, and a floral two piece which gave the appearance of an oversizednapkin in a serving ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers with ragged frills andcame out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having arough day.
I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish inmourning.
I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I wouldhave to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
Finally, I found a suit that fit...a two-piece affair with a shortsstyle bottom and a loose blouse-type top.
It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. Myridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.When I got home, I found a label which read -- 'Material might becometransparent in water.'
So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of waterthis year and I'm there too I'll be the one in cut off jeans and at-shirt!

yo

My husband buys me flowers every Sunday. Isn´t that nice?

Another lady asked me if I was pregnant today. I guess I shouldn´t take offense as it´s a ¨cumplido.¨ If you are a newlywed it´s just like saying ¨How are you doing? Pregnant yet?¨ But, it´s hard not to take offense as it´s horrible to ask that in the USA. So, I cried;(

eww

A says that I say eww too much but it´s fun.

Today I ran into my X boss and her creepy husband. Remember..Banana showing guy??

Guys, you prob won´t understand because you are a guy, but girls..you know EXACTLY what I am talking about. ..staring just a little too long at a certain area, carressing the arm while talking and oh so much more. He makes me nervous because I just want to run for cover! Here we give the double cheek kiss and I´m pretty sure our lips touched while changing cheeks (so gross)..and his hand was basically touching my boob. That´s awesome.

H and H

Heaven:Watching five straight uninterrupted hours of Grey´s Anatomy on you tube yesterday to finish up season four. 9pm til 2am.

Hell: Opening the shower door this morning only to find a gigantic cockroach staring at my naked body..I screamed and ran, and then called my mother in law to come over and kill it. Did I mention I´m terrified of cockroaches? They are causing my early death.

UGH

So, I was just standing on the corner talking to my mother in law and some other people I know...then this acquaintance that I know from dance class who is like 80 years old comes over PATS MY STOMACH and asks me if I´m pregnant.

Am I really that fat?

Heard That..

9 WORDS WOMEN USE (1)Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying @*!% YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3. * Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. * Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.

C.R.F.

eyes on the prize

¨the love of God is greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell it goes beyond the highest star and reaches to the lowest hell.

the guilty pair bowed down with care God gave His son to win His heiring child He reconciled and pardoned from His sin.

could we with ink the oceans fill and were the skies of parchment made were every stalk on earth a quill and every man a scribe by trade to write the love of God above would drain the oceans dry nor could the scroll contain the whole though stretched from sky to sky.

hallelujah hallelujah hallelujah oh love of God how rich and pure how measureless and strong it shall forevermore endure the saints and angels song.¨

I miss my church. Today, like some days, I have to create my own worship service so I pop in a CD and go to town. I heard this song today by Mercy Me and it brought tears to my eyes to think about how much God loves me. I don´t write about religion much on this site because I was a missionary for three years and it was my job to blog religious stuff. I think I ran out of ideas? It´s such a personal matter for each person out there and I respect everyones decisions and choices. For me, personally, I can say that I´ve seen God. I´ve seen Him not only acting in my life but completely change the lives of others as well. My husband being one of those people. I can honestly say that if you don´t know HIM I think you are missing out on one of the biggest joys in life.

I hear the news everyday and it breaks my heart to see and hear what´s going on in the world. All the more reason to have things right with Him!!

¨I have not been called to the wisdom of this world but to a God who´s calling out to me and even though the world may think I´m losing touch with reality it would be crazy to choose this world over eternity.¨

And I´m off stepping off the soap box now...

hookers in Seville

Hilarious and true.
Before I tell the story I have to say my husband took me on a surprise date tonight and it was super fun! We went to this horse show..2.5 hours of amazing. They teach the horses how to DANCE....SO beautiful!

So, on the way home from this date at midnight we were hungry and hadn´t eaten dinner yet so we parked on the side of the road and A went in to order a pizza. As we were waiting 20 min for the pizza I laid my seatback down because I was tired and wanted to rest. Side note..our windows were open. So, I hear this lady voice say, ¨hi.¨ Instantly I knew what was going on but I decided to stay put and watch the scene unfold. So, A says, ¨hi.¨ Then the lady is all... ¨how´s it going?¨ A says, ¨fine.¨ Then she says, ¨Do you want to spend some time alone with me?!¨ Then A says, ¨Actually, I´m just sitting here with my WIFE!!!!!!!!!!¨ I almost wet my pants, here we were in the car and my husband is getting picked up by a freaking PROSTITUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, she then covers her toothless grin and literally runs away. This is BY FAR the funniest thing that has ever happened to me. Lifes surprises..aren´t they grand? Then I asked Antonio...¨Hey, what if I wouldn´t have been in the car? ¨ ...........