Royal Wedding

Nora told me she wanted to wear this to her wedding..

I´m sitting here watching The Royal Wedding now. She looks so gorgeous..and nervous! I can´t even imagine. I had like sixty people at my wedding and was freaking out..and cried like a baby!

I don´t know why people are such haters about it. Guess what? There is life outside of the USA! (gasp!) I´m happy for them. I hope it lasts forever and ever. Viva los novios!

pix

gym

Going to the gym is one of my favorite things to do. Lately I´ve seen a few wild characters.

First of all..there are two women that are basically anorexic. They are WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY to skinny. I kind of want to give them lots of hamburgers to eat. They are constantly looking in the mirrors and I know they are thinking ¨I´m so fat.¨ It´s sad! I hope they can get some help at some point.

Also, it´s amazing how close you have to stand to the person in front of you in a line so that the person behind you doesn´t cut you. It´s like you´re making love w the person in front of you. Seriously people. I don´t get it.

Remember that really tan lady on the movie ¨Something about Mary?¨ She´s in my class!

My life in a nuthsell

Watermark (greatest song ever)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-FJzjmTbTs

Please take a look at this video. This is a song that my cousin sang at our wedding...brings me to tears every time.

Be blessed!

Dancing Queen

My daughter LOVES music and LOVES to dance.

So, today I was at a shopping center and I was letting her walk around a bit and stretch her legs:) There was a store w the music playing really loudly and she RAN in DANCED and LEFT. It was the funniest thing I´ve ever seen. She did it twice. She´s gonna be a star I say!!

There were some lights on the ground and she bent down and started talking into them like they were microphones. Also, hiarious.

She also thinks it´s really fun to push her own stroller. (when she´s not in it of course)

happy easter

HE is RISEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...

Well, the weather has been absolutely horrible around here and Holy Week is coming to a close. I laugh because NO MATTER WHAT dates Holy Week is it RAINS every single year. Not even HALF of the floats went out and we only saw one. I actually feel really bad for people because they prepare for it all year long. Lots of tears. Hopefully next year is better.

I hate how I have amazing blogworthy things to write and now I´m sitting here w my computer and I can´t remember jack squat.

I would like to mention a fellow neighbor of mine who I think I might call child services on...not really...but I´d like to. Do they have have that here?

I believe her daughter is twenty months old and she is IN THE STOLLER ALL DAY LONG. Her husband works at the fruit stand on the corner and she just stands there ..I´m not even kidding here...all day long. Ok first of all..how freaking boring is that? Second of all...let your daughter out of the stroller! Poor thing. She´s a twig too. She needs to go home to nap and eat etc. She just sleeps in the stroller and her mom gives her junk food. Healthy.

Maybe I should give her some of my breast milk...which leads me to my next point. Stop asking me how long I´m going to breastfeed. I don´t know. Maybe til Nora is eighteen. It´snot like I´m affecting anyone in any way. I feed her in the comfort of my own home in my room. It´s not like I whip out my tit eating at a fancy restaurant. I would love to do it though just to see the reaction I´d get. Afterall, Breast is best! ha. I feel really bad for kids who got jipped with crap parents. It´s not like they get to choose. Poor lil lambs.

The look

Sometimes as a mom you just want to scream, slap someone in the face, and then scream again. I might actually feel a lot better if I did that. Perhaps I should try it sometime. Now who to slap? Today I had the perfect candidate!

There are days when every child in the universe is ¨that¨ child. Ya know, one big hot mess. It´s not even for an entire day or a few hours, it might just be a matter of minutes when your child fits into the category of hot mess. What describes a hot mess? Crying, snotty nose, dirty clothes, flailing of the arms..are only a few of the characteristics that fit into the hot mess category.

Nora was a hot mess on the tram today. And on the walk home.

As I was ALMOST home I got ¨THE LOOK¨ from this lady. You ALL know what I´m talking about. That look that says, ¨She is not fit to be a mother, I´m calling child services as soon as I get home. Her child is screaming, has filthy dirty pants AND a snotty nose. Why doesn´t she pick her up? She´s a TERRIBLE MOTHER!¨


JUST with her look I got all that (and yes, she is the slap candidate of the day.)

Well, guess what lady? She was crying because she was tired and I was going home to put her to bed. She has a snotty nose because she´s getting over a cold AND her pants are dirty because I let her play and walk around and she fell into a puddle. And no, I cannot pick her up because she weighs nearly thirty lbs and I can´t carry her AND push the stroller. And I am a Go& Dam& good mother so back the Fu&% off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ah, that´s better.

14 months

Dear Nora Lindsay,
Today you turn fourteen months old! You are wilder than ever and not even a lion tamer could tame you, girl. I´m scared.

You are super tall and still really fat which I love. You are not only big, but you do lots of big girl things so a lot of people think you are MUCH older than you really are.

The other day you got your shots and you were the youngest and tallest one there. You were also the most, eh hem, ¨active¨ shall we say? I think it´s great that you like to explore and touch everything that you possibly can...but man it wears this mama out! You still love to play w everything besides your toys, you love to eat, music, animals, and ¨dancing.¨

I can´t wait to put you into flamenco classes when you are older because I KNOW you will love it!

Just recently you started trying to pull yourself up onto the couch and chair, but you can´t quite make it up yet. Seriously when did you get this big?

You don´t really say anything I can understand but you do understand us when we tell you to ¨Pick up the ball¨ ¨give this to mommy or daddy¨ ¨touch your eye, nose, mouth¨ stuff like that. You also love to brush your hair, talk on the phone, and silly things like that.

I think it might take you a bit longer to speak since you are processing two languages?!

You basically never listen when I say no and you run away when I tell you to come. Awesome. Let´s hope this is a phase or I´m doomed.

I love your silly laugh and sense of humor. You are beyond extroverted and love to play w other kids and go to the park. I let you get as dirty as you want because hey, you´re a kid, that´s what kids do!

You love to point and wave at things and you know the sounds for dog, bird and horse. I´m trying to extend that but you seem content w just those three. You like when we read books together and you love pulling off leaves from the orange trees and ¨smelling¨ them. You love to throw the ball and bring mommy and daddy things.

You are you and we wouldn´t want it any other way. We love you monkey! Happy fourteen mths!

vacation

Well, holy week is underway here in Sevilla. Big. Deal! You should look it up. I might possibly post some more info about it although you can just look back at future years on this blog and catch up on it if you want!

Anywho, entire week off of work!YIPEE. Had lots of fun at the park today. Enjoy!

Brings tears to my eyes every time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdDJ1_ZUyLs

What´s in a name?

I like looking at name boards. I´ve always liked names and no I´m not prego. I just like to look! Anywho, I saw this comment on a nameboard and was cracking up..

¨My baby girls names Zaquisha and Zeenisha ain't on that list either. There is bout 4 others in her school. HUH that be a bunk list!¨

Amazing. I have my girl names now if I ever have more girls! Woot!

Flower Power

Is it weird that the last three tops I´ve bought have flowers on them? I´m gonna be honest here, I´ve never been a ¨pattern-design¨ type dresser. I always kinda stick to basics and now all of the sudden that I´m a mom I´m like Miss Flower Power Blouse Lady. Sweet, why don´t I just buy a pair of mom jeans to go along w the mom tops?

Side note: Remember that SNL commercial? Hilaro.

http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/mom-jeans.html

(I have a couple of pairs..you should try them! Very comfy!)


JJ Casuals are nice too.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/eb7b6a847b/jj-casuals

inevitable

I knew it was going to happen at some point. It was either that or stepping on poop. The tree came first. I was looking at facebook on my blackberry and completely ran into a tree. It was pretty awesome and I know the guy behind me had to get a good laugh..heck, I would have peed my pants if I saw someone do what I did. Good day.

Park

Yesterday we went to the park so N could feed the birds. She loved it! She loves animals so much! Here are a few pix.

No I´m not!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlli9ci2DqU
Will you?

punk´d

I kinda think other kids are punks. Is my kid gonna be a punk too? Today I took N to the park and there are lots of examples when I thought kids were punks.

N has no idea what she´s doing so I feel like other bigger kids should just automatically be nice to her since she´s only one. Ha! She saw another little kids ball and ran right after it and he was like MIIIIIIIIIINEEEEEEE

Then, there were two boys on a skateboard and N was in front of them and they said MOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Then, N spotted a Dora balloon from another little girl and she was like MIIIIIIIINEEEEEEE

I swear that´s their favorite word. MIIIIIIIIIIIINNEEEEEEEEEEE. I´m dreading when N says it, and she´ll prob say it in Spanish too.

I´m not gonna lie...the whole communication thing is just weird and awkward at times. I´ve made it my top priority to speak only English to N at all times. All of her books are in English and I change the cartoons to English too. I figure the more the better at home because once she goes to school it´s all Spanish so she´ll obv know that. My biggest fear is that she´s going to be embarrassed to speak to me in English or that she´ll understand everything but not want to speak it.

Sometimes it´s awkward at parks because obviously I have to speak to her in Spanish when dealing w other kids and mothers because they aren´t going to know what the heck I´m talking about. Oh well, I´m not worried about it. I´m sure it will all work out in the end and we´ll have a genius on our hands. HA!!

Maybe I should teach her how to cuss out all of those punks in English and there wouldn´t even be any problems since they wouldn´t know what she´s saying. Brilliant!

Too personal?

WARNING: May cross personal line. Possible grossed out ness ahead.

Public bathrooms are kind of a joke here. There is never any soap to wash your hands, never any toilet paper, and the hand dryers are always broken. Oh ya, and there is never a toilet lid to sit on. That´s right folks..just the toilet w no lid.

So, what the heck am I supposed to do when I have to poo in public? Am I supposed to sit on the rim? Won´t I fall in? Do I squat and poo? That´s really difficult to do. (Hey look ma, I rhymed).

Do I just not go at all?

We all know how ridiculously uncomfortable it is to try to hold that shi& in.. when you gotta go..you gotta go. I mean, especially w poo. If you try to hold it in you start to get goose bumps and the sweats and the squeezing of the butt cheeks just gets downright tiring after awhile.

So I went! I chose the squat and poo method and I thought my veins were going to explode right out of my head. I think I might have roids now. I quite possibly had to push harder than when I gave birth. It´s really difficult to squat and poo. I think it takes a lot of special talent. Maybe I should put this on my resume. ¨Professional squatter¨

Try it tonight! (Or this morning!)

Thank God I had Nora´s wipies w me!

The end.

suite tooth.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3502269/Mums-suite-tooth-is-killing-her.html

Toupee Tom

I have no idea if his name was Tom, but it seems fitting. We met on the tram and he wanted to practice his pick-up lines on Nora. I think he was 70.

These are some that I remember...

If you were the moon I´d only go out at night.....

Why is the sea salty? Because you swam and took out all the sweetness.

Why are some stars not that shiny? The shimmer is in your eyes.

Not too shabby. Not too shabby Toupee Tom. Too bad you´ll be dead by the time Nora´s allowed to date.

noise

There are so many ridiculous noises around here it´s a wonder anyone sleeps at all. Ever. Especially naps.

There´s a guy that comes around on a motorcycle and plays a flute really loud. (He´s the knife sharpener)

Butanos...Gas guys. Imagine a giant truck filled with Butane Gas..like for the grill..they come and BANG THEM ALL TOGETHER as loud as they can (so you come down and buy one).

Next door neighbors dog..never.stops.barking.

Rusty clotheslines. I think I prefer nails on the chalkboard.

Commercials..on a truck. Too loud. Too weird.

And the list goes on...

nora´s first trip to the beach

The nearest beach is only about an hour away and we never go. Ever since I got skin cancer on my face when I was 21 I haven´t been a big fan of laying out, pooling it or beaching it. I know that´s not what I´d do if I actually go to the beach, I just wasn´t interested. Plus the sand and the crap you have to take..etc.

BUT we have a kid now, and she deserves to hang out at the beach (and see topless women and naked man playing paddle ball..sweet!) It was 98º yesterday! Which reminds me of how much I´m dreading summer..at any rate, today was a bit cooler and I´ve always been a fan of going to the beach later...so we left around 3 and had fun just hanging around until 8 or so. I think Nora loved it. It was hilarious! We filled her pail w the water and she was like licking her lips..I guess she liked it?? Gross! She couldn´t walk very well on the sand and it looked like we spiked her sippy w vodka, she fell ALL THE TIME...but at least it didn´t hurt:) All in all...a fabulous time! I think she had sand in every crevice of her body by the end of it...but it was well worth it!

On a side note..it´s hot. cockraches are back. ive seen one in my house every.night.this.week. shoot.me.now.