Day OFF

YIPEE. I love all of these random holidays in Spain. We pretty much get a day or two off every month. You HAVE to love that no matter who you are. And who knows what the days are for..who cares! It was pretty much 80 and sunny today.......YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Went to a museum, out to lunch, stroll in the park. Sigh. I love life. Here´s a few pics from the day. Peace.

SLF

Think before you speak

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I thinkI like playing with men's balls."

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


Have you ever asked your child a question too manytimes? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realizedthat Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if heneeded to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, didyou have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over spread his cheeks and said see mom just farts!!!
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh theyd ever had!

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!!

One more thing...

THIS would have been a more appropriate pics for the Big Johnson post, only I just took the pic today. I´m so glad that Sevilla has such modern and beautiful art to look at. Way to make the little girls go, ¨mama, WHAT is that and why don´t i have one?!¨ Smart, real smart.

pics galore 2

Pics Galore

I never take that many pics of Sevilla. Not sure why. I suppose because I hate looking like a tourist and never take my camera with me. But today I sucked it up and took loads. Beautiful sunny 72 degree day. Jealous? It´s my two year anniv. of living in Spain. I live in Europe. Weird.

TGIF

I´ve got nothin´ It´s been a relatively calm week and there have been no new sightings of Mr. Winkler.

Here are some new pics of the twins. Don´t you just love em´? They are growing like weeds.

Comedy

Nick Thune-

¨When I was in 9th grade I played jvb basketball, if you don´t know what jvb basketaball is, it´s one level below junior varsity and one level above playing alone in my backyard.

How long has scantron had an exclusive contract with number two pencils?

Growing up a friend of mine was color blind, he was also regular blind, he def couldn´t see any colors, at all.

Do you guys think birds ever say, ¨you know what i know this sounds crazy, but tomorrow, and hear me out, I´m going to try to kill two people with one stone¨ the guy that wrote that saying, killing two birds with one stone -when in history was there an abundance of birds and a shortage in stones? ¨ oh u know what can u guys just use one, ya, we are trying to conserve rocks, no, no get two birds there´s a lot of them. you know what, remember that, and tell everyone, forever.¨

the only technical part about a technical college is that it´s technically a community college, and technically the word community kind of cancels out the word college. so it´s pretty much a place where adults hang out.

i went speed dating last week for the first time and apparently you aren´t supposed to bring your own speed, you might want to clear that up on the flier to be honest it´s a little misleading.

my internet is down at home right now. i guess my neighbors forgot to pay their bill again. they are pretty irresponsible so it didn´t surprise me.

what if you could respond to what people wrote in your sr yrbook ¨dear Ann thanks for telling me that i´m cool. math class was awesome and u know what..thanks for encouraging me to have a kick ass summer, because I did. Sincerely, Sara
ps i haven´t changed.

if it ain´t one thing..

Wow, there are no comments on yesterdays post. I´m shocked. Maybe you are all still in shock too.

I did not see any male genitals today at work, which was good. Although I was going pee with the door open since the babies were sleeping and no one was home. Ya, my boss forgot something and came back and started having a conversation with me, while on the toilet. Again, awkward.

Big Johnson

This happened on Friday morning and it´s Sunday night. I´m still not even really sure what to say....so here goes nothin.´

Disclaimer:I know it seems like some of the stuff I write is made up and you´re thinking..ya right, that didn´t happen. Oh no, it did and it does. It´s like nothing out of the ordinary happens to other people and it´s only saved for me. It´s saved and then plopped on my plate like a big pile of mashed potatoes and then someone puts peanut butter on it. Ya, Awkward.

Ok, so Friday morning I went to work. I get there at 9 everyday and usually my boss´husband answers the door. It´s always a big pajama party because all three of us wake up the babies and then feed them breakfast. So, her husband answered the door holding the daughter and wearing a short bathrobe. Short being a few inches above the knee. He then proceeds to sit on the couch spread eagle and ya..I saw his wanker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, it was hanging out, flying in the wind, ok, walking stick anyone? I wasn´t staring at it or anything, (haha) but I saw enough to know that it was out........and that it was way too early in the morning to see a strangers John Thomas.

P to the E to the N to the I to the S.

Are you getting this people?????????? WHY does this stuff happen to me? Honeslty, why?

So, it´s out and at that point I really just did not know what to do. I mean...what do I say, ¨Ya, your snake is out of its cage so if you could just put it away that would be great.¨ But I couldn´t find my tongue at this point so I just nonchalantly left the room. While exiting I was thinking..Ok, I´m going to leave and give him time to realize his ol´one-eye is out and he´ll have time to put it away.

I went into the kitchen and found my boss with her son. She gave him to me and said, ¨Why dont you just head back to the family room while I prepare his bottle?¨ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Please don´t make me go back there (I wanted to scream) but I just took her son and sort of whimpered like a lost dog as I walked out of the room.

I had hope, I really did that it would be put away.......but nope. ..the ole´spunk stick was still as happy as ever to see me. Talk about awkward. I sat on a chair as far away as I could and was staring out the window......he was talking to me and I wanted to scream. ... I CAN SEE YOUR PENIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, THEN I was thinking, Ok, his wife is going to come out and surely notice and tell him to put it away. Guess again. She comes out and I guess is so used to seeing it that she did NOT notice and we all proceeded to have a conversation while the skin flute was doing it´s thang. All in all, a good ten minutes of full on naked penis. What a fabulous way to start a morning.

And this folks, is the story of my life.

Thoughts how I can go through a week without seeing strangers wangs and weiners? Anything? No, nothing?

Avoiding twigs........and berries.

Sara

happy v tines day!

Yes, A man got me some more beautiful flowers, a frame that I wanted and an awesome yummy cake. The Chiqui even wanted in on some action. Hope your V tines day is full of some hot lovin´.

V tines tunes

This has to be the best valentines day ever. While I was at work and changing Angels diaper he pooped and peed while his diaper was off. Have you ever seen poop come out of a babies butt? I think I puked in my mouth a little.

Then I got home to have a farting contest with my future mother in law in the kitchen. Life doesn´t get much better than that folks.

Birthday Boy

Happy Birthday papa! Love you!

Here´s to new friends

Well, It´s been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG slow process but I´m finally starting to make some friends. Ok, so what, so I have three new ones..big deal!!!!! That´s better than none, right?

I can´t believe I haven´t written about this incident earlier. I think I´ve secretly been in shock so I tucked it away on the far far left side of my brain, but the other day it re surfaced and I laughed my arse off. So..here goes nothing.

My new friend shall remain nameless but she´s spanish and super nice. Her office is located in the same building in which I live so I see her quite often. One day when I was coming home from work I stopped in her office and we were chatting for a bit. For some reason the topic of waxing came up. Spanish woman usually wax everything more than they shave and I told her I had never waxed anything but my eyebrows and gigantuos moustache. She said I had to wax you know what before I get married and then before I knew what was happening she said, ¨like this¨ belt undone, pants down and BANG her cherry cobbler was right there out in the open air.

WHOA..when did that happen? do i look? do i not look? do i compliment it??????????????? do i touch it? so, i looked, i mean, i had to cuz it was right there and it was a kind gesture of hers to show it to me so i could see what it looks like waxed. so, she was looking at me like i was supposed to say something and i had gone mute by that point. i´ve known this girl for approx a week and we´re already showing each other our mommy parts? maybe i missed something? is this normal in spain? am i expected to show my wang chung to my new girlfriends? if so i am done making new friends. so, in the end i think i said something like, ¨cool!¨ and i was thinking (for the love of all that is holy and pure PULL your pants up!!)

so ya, that was awkward.

here´s to new friends. cheers.

fabulous quote

¨Tiny diamonds are great because you know no one will ever try to steal it.¨

complaints.

I swear that EVERY single time I use the bathroom the toilet paper roll is empty. EVERY SINGLE FREAKING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are people that lazy to throw it away, open the cupboard and get out a new one? Answer:Yes.

Today is one of those rainy days that it´s so windy that an umbrella is a joke. The wind laughs at the umbrella like ¨what a stupid invention man has made¨ and then he flips it inside out as he whisks by. Ass.

Head Games

So, recently I´ve started this thing where I secretly have to beat everyone around me..walking that is. It´s so ridiculous and I don´t know when I started it but it´s kind of fun. I forgot to let Antonio know of my new sickness and the other day there were two American girls behind us. I could NOT let them beat me to the end of the street and they were gaining on us so I started to hall arse. A was like ¨whoa, slow down there speedy sally.¨ In the midst of my speed walk I explained to him that I cannot be beaten by other American girls..I am the best!!!!! I find myself doing this on the way to work, on the way home from work, taking walks etc.

Tonight while entering my building there was a man walking towards me and I HAD to get the door unlocked before he theoretically could have stuck a sharp knife in the nape of my kneck..I´m still here.

I always win, period.

STD

This is our save the date...well, kind of. I can´t seem to find the real one. It´s the same, but it has the date and our names on it. Sara and Antonio Aug 11, 07. If you didn´t get one well, you´re prob not invited. Sorry about that. That, or, it was lost in the mail. You can always hope for the latter.

Today I was talking to my mom and one of my cousins got the STD. He said to his mom, ¨Ya, I got some kind of card in the mail from Sara, I think she´s having a dance.¨ It doesn´t get much better

than that folks. Well, actually it does...the initials for Save The Date..STD anyone??

hair

Hi people.

I had a fabulous weekend. The three friends that I actually DO have all wanted to do something (tear) I feel so special. There was lots of Starbucks action going on! Yipee.

It´s been rainy and cold here but the sun did decide to shine today so I took a nice long walk in the park. Loved it! Nothing funny happened though.

Sat night we went to a bar (sigh) I think I would rather let a tarantula walk on my face than go to smokey bars. That´s the thing, I´m not even anti bars, I like bars. I would live in a bar if I could, it´s the smoke thing that bothers me. Everyone and their mother smokes here and it´s like I leave the place with black lung. I´m lungless. I can´t even see a thing through the gigantuous cloud of smoke and I can´t see because my eyes are burning so bad it feels like someone threw acid in them. But, I did it all for the sacrifice of my friend Meghan who was visiting from Madrid (hi Meg) At anyrate, the bar is fabulous because it has live music..I´m not just talking any music I¨m talking Sevillanas. I mean, you really can´t get much better than that...life ends with Sevillanas. Note: I was doing a lot of people watching and Spanish men have fantastic hair. Fantastic. It´s so black and think and gorgeous. Thank God for beautiful Spanish man hair. Luckily A man will officially NEVER go bald. YIPEE!

I´m off to fondle his hair.

speechless

It´s like Christmas in February. My head is still reeling and I can barely type this blog entry I´m so excited. Besides the fact that I saw an old man with the biggest wedgie I´ve ever seen on the treadmill today.......it´s because of you, my readers!

Explanation: I´ve been writing this blog for the past..oh, ten months with NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO comments...and every day I kept thinking, man, that´s weird...NO ONE is commenting. And, so I was sad. I would pretend that I was a famous author while writing because I thought no one was reading so I was a secret ghost writer. All of the ghosts in internet land were reading what I was writing and no one else. So, I was contemplating NOT writing a blog anymore because I thought ...what´s the point? Until today folks. Until I had to update my blog and saw 42 glorious comments that were hidden in some unknown crevice of the universe and were revealed right before my eyes, today on this beautiful Feb morn. 42 delicious and delightful comments from all of you. I was like a kid in a candy store devouring each one ......it´s like each one was a savory morsel..seriously folks. I can´t say enough here. THANK YOU...42, I mean, that´s not even an ungodly amount of comments but to me it was like i was on top of Mt. Sinai and didn´t want to come down.

So, to all of those who commented...here are your responses and shout outs and I´m so sorry for being an arse and not responding sooner..........they were lost in internet world and for the love of all that is holy and pure..keep the comments coming!

Katie: Wow, here I was thinking you were the biggest B ever for not responding hahaha I was like can she video my wedding or what?!!!!!! But now I´m madly in love with you again and am no longer plotting your death. I know, sad about G ma..I had lunch with her this summer. Also, unfortunate that you won´t be my sister in law. I was looking fwd. to that. They will always be pining for us. Scottie pippen finally did it..amazing. Lets play soon. Come to spain. Moooah!
NCV: You are the coolest. When are you coming to Spain? I know, we have random food here, nothing like the USA! Also, thanks about the continents. xoxo
Rachel KY: How is married life? I miss KY...are u coming to IN this summer? Aug 11 to be exact?
Amberwire: Yes, we do have ducks here, but they do not fall through street drains and die. Sadness! Also, I think we were both trying to be the funny ones in HS so you never found us both in the same room. That, or I was wanting to B slap you because you took away my best friend Lynda .........and because I was jealous of your amazing singing talents. HAHA! Jk..I love you, I also love that your dad has GCC online so I can watch the services now on a weekly basis. ROCK ON! Come visit in Spain. xoox
Matt and julie: couldn´t find the pitchfork article, and lots of love
lyndee: i´m in europe! come play.
chris : boop boop beep beep! you are one of the funniest people i know and i love you! can´t wait to see you this summer.
randy:i miss you remember when we licked a pole at that restaurant? good times.
stacey: oh my gosh, where are you girl??????????????????? you need to write me an e mail and we need to catch up big time. i love you.
Becky (katies sister) Thanks for reading my blog and helping with the continent question. Antonio and I are still fighting about that..hopefully that doesn´t lead to the demise of our marriage.

.......and to all a good night.
XXOXOXO
Sara Lindsay