halloween 2

i´m trying to spread the love of halloween over here folks. caramel apples and pumpkins. that´s all u need.

do u like my scary costume? oh wait, that´s my face.

Happy halloween!

Happy Halloween! People know what it is here, but we don´t really celebrate it or dress up. My mom did send me candy corn...YES and also the caramels with the wooden sticks in it so you KNOW we´re going to make caramel apples tonight. Thank the Lord!! I was telling Antonio all of the stellar costumes I had when I was little and how we would have parties at school and then go trick or treating at night. Too bad they don´t even have parties at school anymore. Oh wait, I remember why, because if you dress your child up that means you are automatically a Satan worshiper. My bad, I forgot. Thank God I went to school when I did, it was so much cooler back then. Now it´s called a ¨fall party¨ and there are no costumes... only cookies and punch. Don´t even get me started on Christmas.

Enclosed is a pic of my bro and sis in law ...Jim and Tammy Fay Baker!

BOO!

manicure

So, Antonio was driving and I was enjoying being the passenger in our white 1999 Renault Clio. I was listening to the music and minding my own business when BAM there it was. We stopped at a red light like most drivers would and a public bus pulled up next to us. I look over and this 17 year old goes ¨TOMA¨ (take that) and flicked me the bird. I think I honestly shook my head in disbelief. I looked over at Antonio as though he was supposed to protect me, get out of the car, and beat the kid to a pulp. Instead he was like ¨what?¨ I said, ¨that kid just flicked me off aren´t you going to do something?¨ so of course he said, ¨umm..no?¨ So, as the light turned green of course I had to show the kid my freshly manicured hands, especially my middle finger as it was looking particularly lovely on that particular night. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw a huge loogie being hacked out of the bus. He missed! hahaha I´m so mature I know. But I just couldn´t help myself.

So, we were on our way to the movies when this incident happened. So, when the movie was over we went to pay our parking ¨ticket¨ You see, when you enter the garage you get a ticket. Then, while leaving you put the ticket in a machine, it tells you how much you owe, you pay, then a new ticket comes out. So, we put our ticket in, paid...and then nothing happened. Need I remind you that there were approx 30 people in line behind us. So, Antonio and I look at each other like ¨you have GOT to be kidding me. ¨ So, there is a red button and I pushed it. A guy was like ¨Yes?¨ So, we told him the situation and he said to push the fourth button because it would cancel. Umm..what fourth button? So, we pushed the red button again and he was like ¨yes?¨ it was hilarious. Every time he would say something he would disappear for like ten minutes and then he would say, ¨yes?¨ It was like there was a man inside the machine. So, we laughed for a long time as a riot started behind us and everyone wanted to kill us by throwing darts at our temples. Then we decided we needed to take on a different plan of attack. We went to the ¨main ¨ floor and paid our ticket there. As we were leaving in our car there was a GIGANTUOS line......turns out all of the machines quit working. Suckers!

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Oh, sorry, I got distracted trying to wipe off the sign on my forehead that says, ¨Please flick me off.¨

stop drop and crawl

Our dog Chiqui is Hilarious. First of all she´s a boxer and she´s the most avid hunter I know. She´s obsessed with bugs and loves to kill them. Also, she hates cats and chases them around like a mad woman. A few months ago I saw a cockroach here in the kitchen and alls you have to do is say the magic word ¨bicho¨ (bug) and she´s off like panties on prom night. So, the cockroach got behind the washing machine and she waited for TWO hours for it to come out and kill it. YES victory.

She´s also obsessed with balls.... Tennis balls that is. I love throwing it under my bed because she crouches down like an army man in fresh combat boots to get it and you just see her little stub tail. Here is a pic of her going in and coming out. This is how I entertain myself my friends. It´s a sick world.

I feel like dancin´

So, I decided to take dance classes. Sevillanas. I must know how if I´m going to be considered a true Spaniard someday. I signed up with Antonio´s mom. Yesterday was the first day. Good times. I am by far the youngest. Everyone else is fifty or above. It´s in a school in an old classroom and there are about 40 of us. No room! It´s kind of embarrassing when the teacher calls you out in front of everyone and tells you how horrible you are (me) but no worries. Give me a few weeks and I´m sure to dominate. They will be calling me señorita Sara and begging for more.


So, today I was alone with the kiddies for two whole hours. ..and they are still alive! Amazing I know. This was the first day I was alone with them. They have these little bouncy chairs that I put them in and we had a party in the family room. I turned on the radio and started dancing and singing for them. I put on quite a show and I think they really liked it. I wish I had a video to show you. I actually think I might have scared Maribel because she pooped all over the place.

Have you seen baby poop lately? Just FYI it´s disgusting.

lightning strikes again.

read on........and wear rubber shoes at all times.


Lightning exits woman's bottom
A WOMAN has suffered severe burning to her anus after being struck by lightning which hit her in the mouth and passed right through her body.
Natasha Timarovic, 27, was cleaning her teeth at in her home in the Croatian city of Zadar when lightning struck the building.
She said: "I had just put my mouth under the tap to rinse away the toothpaste when the lightning must have struck the building.
"I don't remember much after that, but I was later told that the lightning had travelled down the water pipe and struck me on the mouth, passing through my body.
"It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don't remember much at all." Doctors at the city hospital where she was treated for burns to the mouth and rear said: "The accident is bizarre but not impossible."
She was wearing rubber bathroom shoes at the time and so instead of earthing through her feet it appears the electricity shot out of her backside," a medic told local newspaper, 24 Sata.
"It appears to have earthed through the damp shower curtain that she was touching as she bent over to put her mouth under the tap. If she had not been wearing the shoes she would probably have been killed by the blast."
24 Sata said the young woman had been released from hospital after being kept in overnight and was expected to make a full recovery.

introducing...

Maribel and Ángel...the two lives for which I´m held responsible on a daily basis. Scary, I know.

all that jazz

How funny is this quote ¨A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bike.¨

Just got back from the gym. The jerkos weren´t there. I love watching Spanish girls workout. They are on a machine for literally 2 minutes before they colapse of exhaustion. So funny.

I had two people tell me today that I speak spanish superbly. Excellent news!

this just in..

so, i just got back from the gym. i go in the afternoon now instead of the morning since i´m working. so, i go and there are two guys that work there. i went directly to the machine to workout and he came over and was looking at me and i was like ? and he goes ¨i´m reading your shorts¨ um, ok. they say abercrombie. so, he kept walking by me like a zillion times. leave me the freak alone! i hate when people talk to me at the gym! so, finally he comes over and motions for me to take off my headphones...that is why i wear head phones..it means LEAVE ME ALONE. so, he proceeds to tell me that he´s been to the USA several times and that he HATES it. he tells me everything he hates about it and that he dated an american and that he didn´t make enough money to suit her. then, the other guy that works there comes over and says in english, ¨i hate americans.¨ what an ASS! so, ya, i´m pissed. so i just walked way and i have to admit i did have an excellent pumping iron session. all that adrenhaline and i´m ready to kick some face in.

boxer

On the news there was a story about 2 boxers (dogs) that attacked an elderly woman. They looked exactly like our Chiqui. We have to put a muzzle on her when we take her on walks because people are afraid now. How sad...look at this face...she´s a sweet little angel with a muzzle.

oopsie daisy

I bought myself flowers today. My boss got some delivered to her house since it is her B day and then when I was walking home I saw another girl carrying some. So, since my boyfriend never buys me any and I love them, I decided to buy them for myself. They are beautiful white daisies. I think once we move into our place I am going to buy flowers once a week. They just brighten my day.

Maybe I had to make myself feel better for turning all of my bosses clothes blue. Oops. I got to work today and the first thing she showed me was all of her blue laundry. One of my many duties is to wash the laundry and apparently I shouldn´t have put a certain pair of pants in with all of the rest of the stuff I washed. My bad. Maybe it was a secret ploy of mine so I don´t have to do laundry anymore. I tried to make it better by telling her ¨Well, at least Ángel will have more clothes now since they are all blue.¨ I don´t think she thought it was that funny. My laundry days could be over.

I was supposed to be alone with the kiddies today because since María is a lawyer she had to go to court. She said her mom ¨might stop by¨ María left at ten and her mom came over at like ten ten. SWEET! Probably because María is thinking ¨This girl can´t even wash laundry correctly how is she going to take care of my babies.¨ It is kind of scary thinking that someone would trust ME with their twins.

Taking them on walks is funny because everyone single person stops and stares like they have NEVER seen 2 babies at once in their entire lives. I find myself holding my tummy in because I feel like they are looking at it. Yesterday a woman on the street explained insemination to me. She actually used the words semen and ovaries. Need I remind you that this was a perfect stranger!

I think everything is going OK besides the blue laundry.
Avoiding washing machines,
SF