Yesterday I had an out of body experience. There I was sitting in a fertility clinic. I looked around and there were pictures of babies on the wall, couples anxiously waiting for their appointment with hope in their hearts and mine felt angry. How can this be happening? It´s not fair I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. But, lets be honest. They probably would have shipped me off to a looney bin.
We have been trying for ONE YEAR to make a tiny little precious baby and nothing is happening. Zilch. Zippo. Nada.
When we decided to have Nora we tried for exactly ONE WEEK and I got pregnant. I took the pregnancy test and remember thinking ¨Are you serious? How could it have been this easy?¨ I honestly did not believe I had gotten pregnant that fast, but I did and it was great.
So, here I am. One of those women who is constantly thinking about getting pregnant, being sad when I see other pregnant women and babies and wanting to secretly cry when friends tell me they are pregnant (Basically every single day someone new is pregnant).
Of course I am happy for them, but it´s hard too.
Now here we go on this journey talking about blood and sperm and who knows what other bodily fluids that no one wants to openly talk about. Especially with strangers. It´s the most uncomfortable situation that anyone could ever imagine, and we are just at the beginning of the road. Of what I feel is going to be a long, long road and who knows? If they say we need in vitro we won´t even be able to afford it anyways so then what?
Do not leave our baby unattended or I might steal it. Ya, that´s the solution. A stolen baby. That will make us feel better, right?
¨Don´t stress about it¨ If someone else says that to me I might actually punch them in the throat. Literally.
In the end all we can do is wait, pray, and believe in His divine timing.
Ya, I think I will do that. Rest in His arms. And ask Him to bring me a baby.
