Top 10 Things New Mothers Don´t Do

10. New mothers don´t leave the house on a moment´s notice.
9. New mothers don´t eat meals sitting down.
8.New mothers don´t read anything longer than what can be digested during a visit to the toilet.
7.New mothers don´t know about any of the movies nominated for a Best Picture Academy Award.
6.New mothers don´t like other people´s children, especially around their precious angels.
5.New mothers don´t listen to any news stories that involve harm to small children.
4.New mothers don´t end each day with a satisfying sense of a job well done.
3.New mothers don´t wear anything that must be dry cleaned or ironed.
2.New mothers don´t listen to Howard Stern anymore.
1. New mothers don´t sleep long enough to experience one single dream from start to finish OR
1.New mothers don´t remember their former personal grooming regimen OR
1. New mothers don´t remember anything. (I think that´s everything.......)

-Vicki Lovine